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    CJADERUN   24,711
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I Can't Decide if I'm Happy With my Body

Saturday, July 06, 2013

Fact: I am oscillating between 150 and 155 pounds, and have been for a few months.

Last October, I was the lightest at 140.5 pounds.

I....I don't know if I care?

I watch what I eat; I don't pig out, I eat mostly healthy foods with the occasional treat, and I watch my proportions. I exercise relatively regularly; generally three hours every week minimum, with both cardio and ST. I am fairly trim.

I am just shy of 5'7" at 153 pounds (for argument's sake), and I wear a size 8, which is about the same as Coach Nicole (who we can all agree looks fantastic).

And here I am, about to go bridal dress shopping, freaking out because I might not be "skinny" enough and knowing I'll likely have to wear a 10 because, you know, bridal dress sizes are so much more specific.

I measured myself this morning:
36
29
40

A fairly in shape pear.

My fiance (woah, that word) thinks I look awesome. I still go out and have people look at me, surprised, and asked if I'd lost MORE weight (no, I've actually GAINED some, but thanks!).

I wanted so bad to be a 140 before. To do that, I went to the gym for 1-2 hours per day five days a week. I would take high-intensity aerobics classes and do an hour of ST. I cannot commit like that anymore--I have a full time job and a life besides, as well as nine hours of sleep to get each night (or else I'm exhausted).

In terms of everything else, I'm pretty happy. I like the way I look most days, I like what I do, and I'm healthy.

But for some reason, I can't let go of the fact that I used to be less than 150, like that is some vital thing that would make me happier. Honestly, I don't think I was happier at 145 than I am now--I'm (relatively) the same.

I can't decide if that's okay or not.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MONICA_W 8/5/2013 5:46PM

    Hey!
I know this is a stale blog but I wanted to say YAY for your current state of health and weight-maintenance. 140's bunk. 150's where it's at. You've described yourself at the ideal: eating healthfully, being active, having a fit and balanced body and having a fit and balanced exercise regime. Working out like a mad fiend just to see a certain number on the scale is ridiculous. If it were a friend doing that, you'd think so too... it's just harder to recognize it in ourselves. I hope by now (a month past this blog) that you're overjoyed and gladly settling into your 150-ish happy place.

Healthy, balanced, and well. You did it! emoticon

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LYNSEY723 7/10/2013 4:33PM

    Totally understand! I'm kind of debating the same stuff. Graunted, my workouts these days are not on a regular basis. But I do wonder if the number in my head is realistic to maintain?? Or if I'd be happier slightly heavier.

You'll get it figured out! You look amazing!

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ALICIALYNNE 7/8/2013 8:53AM

    Sounds like you have your heart set on a number that just may not be necessary for you anymore. You're healthy? You are still working out, at least maintaining your fitness? You like what you see in the mirror?

If the answer to all of those are "yes", then maybe it is time to let go of the number you have in your head.

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DALID414 7/6/2013 9:06PM

    I think it's an arbitrary number. I keep thinking I want to be at 120lbs, but I'm not putting in all the effort I did when I first started. Don't let the dress size discourage you, focus on the fit and what it symbolizes. You're getting married!!! emoticon

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MARITIMER3 7/6/2013 6:50PM

    It's only a number. You will be a beautiful bride whether you wear an 8 or a 10, and it probably isn't realistic to try to put in the amount of time you did last year to get down to 140.

Just keep eating sensibly and exercising regularly, and be happy.

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DEMONICTERMITE 7/6/2013 3:02PM

    What you're describing is kind of my goal: to just be happy and feel confident but have the normal 'weight woes' on occasion, as any human does. Congratulations and take pride! :)

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SIMONEKP 7/6/2013 12:22PM

    I think it's okay to have these conflicting feelings from time to time

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ADARKARA 7/6/2013 12:11PM

    If you're comfortable where you are, then stay with it! There's no reason to kill yourself physically for 10-15 lbs. It's about how you FEEL. And personally, I think you look fantastic!

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MERRY_XMAS 7/6/2013 11:44AM

    Do whatever feels right. I think that this weight is what is best for your life at the moment. If you feel like losing a bit more, you can, but it's not a necessity.

Set a range of weight and try to stay within these pounds. Most people set a range of 3-4% of their weight and try to maintain. I find it very healthy and according to your measurements, you are great!

PS. Try to make a list of pros and cons and see what is best for you.

emoticon

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SONSHINESUE518 7/6/2013 11:43AM

   
I love your blog and I so encourage you not to worry about a number on a scale!
If you feel good at the size you are and you are at a healthy BMI, I say stay right where your beautiful self is. Fine work!

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LESLIELENORE 7/6/2013 11:23AM

    Take a deep breath! You are obviously healthy at this weight, so don't sweat it. I don't like clothes shopping at all, so shopping for a wedding dress wouldn't be my idea of fun. I am sure you will find the perfect dress though,after all you found the perfect ring!

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KLUTERACOON 7/6/2013 10:37AM

    I will tell you, that when I went dress shopping for the first time, I was miserable. Wedding dresses can run as much as 2-3 sizes smaller than your normal! And every dress is different. I remember wanting to cry by the end of the day. Now I hope that your experience is soo much better than mine is.

Who knows you may walk into the shop and every dress that you try on looks amazing! And I hope that is the case ;).

All you can do is figure out if you're happy or not, which is obviously why you wrote this blog in the first place. No one can tell you if you are right or wrong. And honestly that 5-8 pounds probably doesn't make enough of a difference in your looks to other people. And honestly if you see a difference it's probable more due to perception than actuality anyway.

Take care and Happy dress shopping! I don't think I got to say this before but your ring is breath taking and congratulations!

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