Saturday, July 06, 2013
As I am starting to lose a bit of weight, I am starting to recieve a bit more male attention. Nothing harrassing, of course, just... a bit more attention. More men smile and say hi. More doors being held open. More friendly comments aimed my way at the local hangout spots. For some reason, I feel distinctly uncomfortable with that. I've been fat most of my life (the period when I wasn't fat was so brief I can no longer recall the feeling). In my experience, when you are a bit chubby, you are all but invisible to most people. I think I am used to being that way, able to blend into the scenery, observe without having to participate. Now I am feeling a bit exposed, thrust in the spotlight I don't want to be in. Don't get me wrong, I am a very social person and in no way a recluse. However, a certain amount of freedom comes with being the "fun fat chick" - I can say any outrageous thing or do anything I want without much reprocussions. Now, I feel like... I can't do that anymore. I have to watch my mouth and my behavior. Something that was interpreted as a joke before now can get me in trouble. What a stressful, nasty feeling!
Of course, most of this is, quite possibly, in my head. Most likely this is a "mental mindfork" that my body is using as an excuse to stay fat. One more thing to get over, I guess. Still... maybe watching my mouth is not that bad of an idea in any case. Have a good day, ya'll!