30,000-39,999 SparkPoints 31,640

I Didn't Get the Job and My Garden Paid For It With Its Life

Friday, July 05, 2013

I am absolutely deflated. I've got nothing left and I feel completely useless. I don't come first anywhere. Though I have friends and family that love me, I'm not their number 1. To any of them. And I can't even get that feeling professionally.

After all that work and preparation, I didn't get the job. I was told that my presentation was outstanding but that the other guy had answered slightly better on some of the questions. My manager said some other crap too about how they're trying to create more positions and that I'd be on an eligibility list if something came up etc. but by then I wasn't listening. I just left the room. I'm done with it all. I can't keep doing this.

I made a huge leap of faith moving to the public sector 5 years ago and was told at the time there's 'lots of opportunity to move up and grow' and yet here I am, 5 years later in the same position and with the same salary. I have competed on 6 jobs and haven't gotten any of them. It turns out, I didn't even win the job I have now. I found out recently that I was actually second but the first choice turned it down. So there you go, permanently an 'also ran'.

I woke up really early this morning and was full of rage and anger. I decided that I'd start pulling weeds before the sun got to the garden and it was too hot. I got a little over zealous. And I don't know the difference between a plant and a weed. Or whether you're supposed to cut down certain plants or yank them out at the root. So 2 hours later, I had a garden of dirt. I just got carried away and pulled it all out. Except that damn dead rose bush. I dug at it for over an hour. But it won't budge. I think it's cemented in there. And I broke the shovel doing it. And I have blisters.

So anyway, now I have a dirt garden. Kind of how I feel inside so I think it's apropos.

I'm not working today, thank gawd. But on Monday I'm going to have to suck it up, go back because I don't have the financial luxury of telling them to shove it and that I quit. And I'm going to have to say congratulations and be nice. Good thing I have 3 days to gear up for that.

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Being single you have the opportunity to make yourself your #1 priority. I am a walking, talking example of not being anyone's #1 (with the possible exception of my son, who at 16 probably doesn't score me that high anymore!), it's up to us to treat ourselves like kings and queens. Who knows, maybe that will lead to more people placing us higher on their lists.

    Without the financial ability to say "stuff it", you will just need to raise your chin up and as the saying goes, "keep calm and carry on". I do hope that as this week has progressed, you have come to terms with this setback and set yourself a course for forward progress. Take care of yourself first, be your own #1!
    1711 days ago
    A job doesn't define you. Just because one door closes just could mean something better or different is on the way. You have to come first to YOU. Who cares where someone else places you. Place yourself exactly where you want to be.

    1712 days ago
    You are doing extremely well in one area, your body gave up 43 lbs already and that's something to be proud of! Good luck in the other areas of your life!
    1713 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/8/2013 8:19:52 PM
    emoticon Still another day until Monday! I bet the weed pulling was actually pretty cathartic regardless if you didn't intend to end up with your "dirt garden". Sometimes it is good to just start new anyway!
    1715 days ago
    I don't know the rest of your situation, but wondering if it is time to start looking at other jobs as well?

    That really just stinks though. I do know how hard it is to find jobs in the public sector, or to move up within it sometimes.

    You did get a lot of physical activity out of your frustration, and now there's the potential to plant beautiful flowers in there.
    1715 days ago
    You may see a dirt garden but I see potential new opportunities. Plant them and let them grow!
    1715 days ago
  • AMY4593
    And apparently I would color the eggs!!

    I heart you!!

    I think you are kick a$$ and in the end, I think we can all agree that only MY opinion really matters!!
    1716 days ago
  • AMY4593
    If I lived closer, me and a few dozen eggs and possibly a flaming bag of dog sh!t would be making an appearance at some houses!

    1716 days ago
  • MARIANNE9855
    Personally I wouldn't congratulate anyone but maybe that's why I never went farther than a certain level- I was not good at sucking up.
    That being said- I think the right job is out there waiting for you- I was so devastated when I got fired even though it was really a terrible, stressful job- and then when I didn't get hired for 6 months I didn't think I'd ever find a job. But I did find a job and it was the right one for me and while I am poorer I am happier then I have been in years. So yes some things are a blessing in disguise even though you can't believe it at the time.
    Maybe you should try to be a writer, your blogs are excellent, smart and funny and you are a most attractive woman despite not fitting the magazine standard.
    Its everyone in your life's loss and our gain that they don't appreciate you.
    1716 days ago
  • TREV1964
    Awwww Minea,

    You might be told in your job you're number 2 but in here I feel sure everybody considers you absolute tops.

    I could paper my lounge with rejection slips and it would do my head in if I focused on them. I look on each failure as one situation nearer to a success and I feel sure it is only time before you get there.

    Keep pushing - I for one am rooting for you.

    If ever you wanna talk - you know where I am.


    R> emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1716 days ago
  • LISA579
    I am so sorry about the job. The garden is empty so it is a great time to palnt soemthing new. Start over and see future opportunities.
    1716 days ago
    Sounds like you prepared a fresh start for yourself in that garden. Maybe a fresh start in your career is coming your way.
    1716 days ago
    Boy, do I know how you feel. Single for 18 years between marriages, down sized from jobs and even turned down for nursing school despite a 4.0 GPA and job as an anatomy tutor. Sometimes it's hard to know what is wrong. Sometimes it's hard not to want to beat your head against the wall.

    Minea, I feel for you. But know this: you ARE smart and worthy and the goddess that we all think you are. Whether they saw your worth in the hiring office or not, WE believe in you. I know that WE are far away, virtual buddies, and that seems second best, but it is something to hold onto and build from until you feel stable inside yourself.

    You're strong. It won't take long.

    1716 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1716 days ago
  • _BABE_
    SOAB....I feel your pain! Being single without kids you can feel that you are not #1 in anyone's eyes but that just gives you the freedom and time to be your #1 best friend and do what you need to do. Maybe it's time you started discreetly looking for greener pastures. Let this be the fuel to keep you on the fitness track and transform your image and your life.
    1717 days ago
    I'm so sorry you're going through this. Can you start sending out resumes elsewhere? And now that you have a dirt garden, you can plant whatever you want and have it the way you want it. ;-)
    1717 days ago
    You'll probably get the next one. Glenn
    1717 days ago
    I am so very sorry the job did not turn out the way you had hoped. Hang in there. emoticon
    1717 days ago
    1717 days ago
    Awww dang...I wanna give you a hug so darn bad. I know you don't want to read this, but everything happens for a reason and if you'll hang on a bit longer it will be for the better that you did not get this job...a better one is heading your way. I love your honesty about your emotions, you tell it like it is. Keep your head up and keep smiling at work...the higher ups will see that you able to cope with disappointment and have the right attitude. They'll be watching you...you show them, girl...they are lucky to have you working for them!
    1717 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.