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Scatter brain! Who me?

Friday, July 05, 2013

Sometimes I think so!

Sometimes my thoughts and my feeling are so clear to me. I can make sense of everything. I can see it all like it was written on the wall, not just in black and white, but with so many beautiful colours!! It is in these times that I feel full and energetic and at the same time peaceful and comforted. I know where I am going and I can see the path I need to take to get there. Life is beautiful.

The struggle is that I can seem to stay there. Life is so busy, everything moves so fast, there is so much to do, so much to keep up with, so much to accomplish.

It is in these times that I feel scatter brained. I get down on myself and think that I can't do it, I can’t keep up, I can’t keep all the thoughts running in my head straight. I feel... scatter brained.

How will I ever be able to write a blog if my thoughts are everywhere? How can I put myself out there, if I don’t know what I think.? What will other people think?

I have met 3 specific people here at SP that have had a big affect on me in the last few weeks since I have joined SP.

The first, honestly I am not sure how I found her or how she found me, but she is one of the most positive, motivating, caring people I have ever met. She has been a consistent in my SP life and always puts a smile on my face. I know that she provides me with so much more than I think I could ever give back, and yet for the first time I don’t feel like I have to. I believe that she, like me, enjoys giving as much or more than receiving. So I take. I take her encouragement, I take her motivation, I take her positive outlook, I take her strength, I take everything she is willing to share and I treasure it, I learn from it and I grow from it. Of course I do try to give back, and someday I hope to be strong enough to give back, or to give it forward. This blog started out as an email to her to tell her all the things that I have wanted to tell her, but could never find the words. I tear up as I type this – I am truly thankful for this FRIEND that has been pure sunshine in my life. That, and I’m one of the most emotional people on earth.

The second started me on a path that has given me great pride in myself, a sense of accomplishment, showed me that with a little determination and an achievable goal, that I can be successful. She made me step up and take a chance, step myself up for what I was afraid could be failure and yet taught me that I could succeed. It is a small victory in the grand scheme of things, and yet it seems so powerful to me right now in this moment, as it keeps me inspired and motivated to continue. I read her blog yesterday and she stated that she was struggling with her commitment lately. It really upset me as she was such a motivator for me. I hope that I can give back and help to keep her on track. Together we can stick to it and continue to be successful. Results do not always present themselves in the way that we want to see them, sometimes there is another plan in mind/action that we are unaware of, when we are ready to accept it, it will present itself. I hope she is patient and allows it the time it needs to show her what her efforts are for.

The third, well she showed me that taking a risk, taking yourself out of your comfort zone can not only help me but can also help others. I read her blog, she was expressing her feelings and her point of view on a situation. Although I could empathize with her situation, I could also empathize with the situation that of the person she was speaking about. I typed a comment and like so many times in the past I decided that I would just delete it and not send it. I fell under the big WHAT IF dark cloud that always holds me back. WHAT IF someone doesn't agree with me? WHAT IF someone thinks my idea is dumb? WHAT IF they don’t want to hear my opinion? WHAT IF someone makes fun of what I think? What if.... What if.... What if... I feel like I am living a life FULL of the fear of the "What ifs". Well... I didn’t delete the comment. I posted it. A little later I received an email from her thanking me for the post. She said she REALLY appreciated my thoughts. That what I had posted had really helped her to see another side, and that she thought I may be right. She thanked for the suggestion I had made with regards taking another approach. WOW, lol, I must have said WOW ten times. We exchanged and few emails and became friends. She is very fun and energetic; I enjoy the energy she brings to SP. I thank her for allowing me to open up and share some of myself with her and thank her for doing the same.

I have wanted to click the “Add A Blog Entry” button so many times, but the idea of it has been too scary for me. I have been working on finding the courage to do it, and until now I have not even been able to even click it just to see where it takes me. I was afraid of that very first step, the step that made lead me to criticism, to judgment, to negative response. WHAT IF I take that first step and it’s not positive?

As I sit here and think about how long this first blog is I think to myself, well you don’t HAVE to post it. It felt good just to write it, and maybe that is good enough. But I feel like each one of these three wonderful ladies would say to me... JUST DO IT. YOU CAN DO IT. Everything will be ok.

So... with all that said, with a nervous lump in my throat, and an emotional tear of joy in my eye, I dedicate my first ever blog the three of you. Thanks for being who you are and allowing me to be me, without the fear of WHAT IF today!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon Thanks so much for sharing so beautifully! It really is an inspirational blog and I am sure so many of us relate to what you describe! It is a shame that we find ourselves living in fear of "what if", but you have made your move! The sky is the limit so take flight & soar! emoticon

    1710 days ago
    emoticon Thanks so much for sharing so beautifully! It really is an inspirational blog and I am sure so many of us relate to what you describe! It is a shame that we find ourselves living in fear of "what if", but you have made your move! The sky is the limit so take flight & soar! emoticon

    1710 days ago
    Great job! I was always afraid to blog.......but over the past year I have written a lot of them. It has been a very positive thing for me. Occasionally I will write a private journal for a while if there are things that are just too personal/private to post.
    I really enjoy getting feedback on my blogs too........another perspective can really help. Like sitting down and having a coffee klatsch with people that have all different backgrounds. A unique opportunity.
    You are speaking your own truth and communicating from the heart.
    You are being you. That's all you can do.
    1713 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/12/2013 8:48:31 AM
  • MMILLER139
    emoticon Awesome first blog! I am looking forward to many many more! emoticon
    1715 days ago
    I am so happy for you. You stood at the edge and then plunged! You have felt the power! You should always be heard!
    You don't have to be perfect. You only have to be you....and that is good enough.
    It sounds to me like there is a lot more to share swimming around in that brilliant mind!
    Sharing your message inspires. And You may challenge your spiritual partners! Friends say- "here I will shelter you from the winds"...spiritual partners say-" where are these winds coming from? Go find the source!"
    There are no coincidences...we meet who we need to ( and get what we need, when we need it)...when we are on the right path!
    Bravo! Be bold! Be brave! It suits you!
    1718 days ago
    Aww congrats! Keep it up!
    1719 days ago
    This is YOUR journey. This is YOUR life. Your only job is to BE YOU Lori.
    Everyone else's response, everyone else's feelings are THEIR responsibility...not yours. If you can't come here and BE YOU, you will have MUCH difficulty acheiving the goals you wish to meet here.

    You have to dance like no one is watching, Girl...because that's when you dance the best!

    I love you and I'm grateful for you and I want LORI to be here...with her loving and open self! :-). You GRACE us with your PRESENCE and your HONESTY!

    Good for you for posting this blog! It is such a lesson to all of us to just BE!

    love love love,
    1719 days ago
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