Scatter brain! Who me?
Friday, July 05, 2013
Sometimes I think so!
Sometimes my thoughts and my feeling are so clear to me. I can make sense of everything. I can see it all like it was written on the wall, not just in black and white, but with so many beautiful colours!! It is in these times that I feel full and energetic and at the same time peaceful and comforted. I know where I am going and I can see the path I need to take to get there. Life is beautiful.
The struggle is that I can seem to stay there. Life is so busy, everything moves so fast, there is so much to do, so much to keep up with, so much to accomplish.
It is in these times that I feel scatter brained. I get down on myself and think that I can't do it, I can’t keep up, I can’t keep all the thoughts running in my head straight. I feel... scatter brained.
How will I ever be able to write a blog if my thoughts are everywhere? How can I put myself out there, if I don’t know what I think.? What will other people think?
I have met 3 specific people here at SP that have had a big affect on me in the last few weeks since I have joined SP.
The first, honestly I am not sure how I found her or how she found me, but she is one of the most positive, motivating, caring people I have ever met. She has been a consistent in my SP life and always puts a smile on my face. I know that she provides me with so much more than I think I could ever give back, and yet for the first time I don’t feel like I have to. I believe that she, like me, enjoys giving as much or more than receiving. So I take. I take her encouragement, I take her motivation, I take her positive outlook, I take her strength, I take everything she is willing to share and I treasure it, I learn from it and I grow from it. Of course I do try to give back, and someday I hope to be strong enough to give back, or to give it forward. This blog started out as an email to her to tell her all the things that I have wanted to tell her, but could never find the words. I tear up as I type this – I am truly thankful for this FRIEND that has been pure sunshine in my life. That, and I’m one of the most emotional people on earth.
The second started me on a path that has given me great pride in myself, a sense of accomplishment, showed me that with a little determination and an achievable goal, that I can be successful. She made me step up and take a chance, step myself up for what I was afraid could be failure and yet taught me that I could succeed. It is a small victory in the grand scheme of things, and yet it seems so powerful to me right now in this moment, as it keeps me inspired and motivated to continue. I read her blog yesterday and she stated that she was struggling with her commitment lately. It really upset me as she was such a motivator for me. I hope that I can give back and help to keep her on track. Together we can stick to it and continue to be successful. Results do not always present themselves in the way that we want to see them, sometimes there is another plan in mind/action that we are unaware of, when we are ready to accept it, it will present itself. I hope she is patient and allows it the time it needs to show her what her efforts are for.
The third, well she showed me that taking a risk, taking yourself out of your comfort zone can not only help me but can also help others. I read her blog, she was expressing her feelings and her point of view on a situation. Although I could empathize with her situation, I could also empathize with the situation that of the person she was speaking about. I typed a comment and like so many times in the past I decided that I would just delete it and not send it. I fell under the big WHAT IF dark cloud that always holds me back. WHAT IF someone doesn't agree with me? WHAT IF someone thinks my idea is dumb? WHAT IF they don’t want to hear my opinion? WHAT IF someone makes fun of what I think? What if.... What if.... What if... I feel like I am living a life FULL of the fear of the "What ifs". Well... I didn’t delete the comment. I posted it. A little later I received an email from her thanking me for the post. She said she REALLY appreciated my thoughts. That what I had posted had really helped her to see another side, and that she thought I may be right. She thanked for the suggestion I had made with regards taking another approach. WOW, lol, I must have said WOW ten times. We exchanged and few emails and became friends. She is very fun and energetic; I enjoy the energy she brings to SP. I thank her for allowing me to open up and share some of myself with her and thank her for doing the same.
I have wanted to click the “Add A Blog Entry” button so many times, but the idea of it has been too scary for me. I have been working on finding the courage to do it, and until now I have not even been able to even click it just to see where it takes me. I was afraid of that very first step, the step that made lead me to criticism, to judgment, to negative response. WHAT IF I take that first step and it’s not positive?
As I sit here and think about how long this first blog is I think to myself, well you don’t HAVE to post it. It felt good just to write it, and maybe that is good enough. But I feel like each one of these three wonderful ladies would say to me... JUST DO IT. YOU CAN DO IT. Everything will be ok.
So... with all that said, with a nervous lump in my throat, and an emotional tear of joy in my eye, I dedicate my first ever blog the three of you. Thanks for being who you are and allowing me to be me, without the fear of WHAT IF today!