Friday, July 05, 2013
We had an... incident... yesterday, day 4.
On Weds bf had to go to court over some baby mama drama. I don't feel right posting the details but let's just say I'm beginning to really hate this b*tch. I began the relationship trying to sympathize with her and recognize her vindictive actions as almost justified in a way. I mean.. her husband and father of her children has moved on and is living with someone younger who is college educated and can support herself. That's gotta sting, I figure. Well now she's using the children as pawns to make our lives harder. There's a special place in hell for women (and men) who do that. It ends up hurting the kids, and for what? So you can feel a little better about yourself that you made you former spouse suffer? Joke's on her because every time she stirs up a ruckus, guess who he turns to? Guess who he expresses his frustrations and fears to? Her drama is only bringing us closer. She can file all the petitions she wants, but at the end of the day she's only going to get money. She can never take away our love. And pretty soon the courts will make it so she legally has to let him see his kids. If God answers our prayers, he'll get them half the time and actually get to see them grow up.
Ahh.. enough of that. Before I moved from Georgia, I told a coworker that he had kids and I had never dated anyone divorced with children before and I was nervous. She gave some invaluable advice. She said that when things get nasty between ex-wife and bf, tell yourself "it's not my problem". All of that is between them. She wants to drag me into it, but really I'm an innocent bystander. It's not personal, she would treat any woman who came after her this way. I will be there to support him until the end of time, but I need to breathe, back up, and realize IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.
So.. Day 4 Thursday: Breakfast was sweet potato hashbrowns fried in bacon fat, served with said bacon, and fried eggs on top. We had two BP coffees each! You could say we were bouncing off the walls. This is how I make my BP coffee:
-Spoonful coconut oil
Put all in a bowl and whir it up til foamy with my immersion blender. Regular blender works just fine too, just take standard precautions when blending hot liquids. So far my favorite flavoring blends have been cocoa and ginger, pumpkin pie spice, and cocoa and vanilla bean. MmMmMm.
The purpose of BP coffee is to give your system a jumpstart. The combo of caffeine and healthy happy fats create a magical concoction that can stave off hunger pangs until well into the afternoon, improve focus and disposition, and send you straight to the bathroom for your morning constitutional. Try it! Don't fear the fat. Fat doesn't make you fat, sugar does. And don't have it on an empty stomach either. It will fill you up and keep you full so you'll miss out on vital food nutrients.
**Also, I wanted to note that I woke up yesterday in awe of my flat tummy. You can see the beginning of ABS!! Magic is already beginning, just 4 days in!!!!!!!!**
Lunch was from one of my fave blogs, PaleOMG. Triple protein burgers!! Grass fed beef patty, sugar-free bacon, butterflied all beef hot dog wrapped in a lettuce leaf. I added delicious condiments of spicy mustard, dill relish, ranch mayo, avocado, and tomatoes. It tasted like America. Grilled asparagus on the side. Yummy.
Dessert was red, white, and blue. I made Berries & Cream from my other fav blog, Clothes Make the Girl. Strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries are topped with "whipped cream" which is really just cold coconut milk whipped up with vanilla bean. So. Freaking. Good. I may have eaten $20 worth of berries yesterday.
So now, the incident. We were walking around downtown, killing time before the fireworks and Bf stops and says he has a confession. He says earlier that day when I smelled dip (aka smokeless tobacco) on him, he lied when he said he didn't have one. And it wasn't his first dip either, he had one on the way home from court on Weds. I was beyond disappointed. We made a pact that if one of us broke Whole30 rules, we would both start over from Day 1. Tobacco is most obviously not allowed on Whole30.
I felt hurt. The thoughts going through my head were ... why did I spend all this time and money on grass fed beef...sugar free pork.. wake up every Saturday to go to farmers market.. make homemade ghee... buy the damn Whole30 book.. browse for recipes.. wake up earlier for work just make breakfast and pack lunches... cook every night from scratch... if your just going to put poison in your body????????? I told him I was proud of him for handling his stress so well and not turning to dip to calm him, and he accepted that praise. When I smelled it, I asked him if he had done it, and he lied to me. He promised me in February that since I was quitting my nasty habit, he would quit his. I thought he was finally living up to his promise. I thought I was special, that I was the one thing that could get him to quit for good in over 10 years. But it wasn't real. He'd only gone 2 days without it, then caved. I don't want to be a widow. I don't want to watch the man I love have his jaw removed. Why can't he understand that?!?!
I asked to go home. I didn't want to watch fireworks with him, I wanted to sulk, and that's what I did.
Dinner was burger leftovers eaten separately, in silence.
Day 5 Friday: Woke up without my alarm at 4:30. I had fallen asleep on the couch at a decent time, and even though he carried me to bed and I woke up entwined in his limbs, I was ready to hold my grudge well into the day. Then I found his can of Skoal on the counter with love note, and I melted. It was an offering to me, a token that he was sorry and he'll really try. After I threw it in the garbage, I made him a big delicious breakfast and packed his lunch, then I went upstairs and gave him the biggest hug. We ate sausage and veggie frittata, and of course some BP coffee. For lunch I packed leftover roasted chicken thigh and a salad with ranch mayo. Dinner is in the crockpot right now, shredded pork seasoned with sofrito. I'm planning on serving it with mashed plantains, recipe from PaleOMG, but that depends on if Bf can find them at the store before I get home. Found a recipe for bacon guacamole which sounds like everything that is good and right with the world. So that will be on top of whatever I end up cooking :)
My belly is still flat. For those non believers out there that think you have eat a calorie-reduced lowfat diet to be thin, I just want to you to take a look at what I've been eating. Fat, fat, fat, fat. I should track a day of eating Whole30 on here to see what my calorie totals are. I would guess 2500+. Yet, I don't feel bloated in the least. I'll tentatively say that this works.
Headaches, hitting-the-wall, and bouts of narcolepsy have been happening later and later each day. Day 1 was noon, then it was 2pm, then 3pm, then 5pm. Maybe today it won't happen at all?
As far as the starting-over pact goes, it would be highly discouraging to call today Day 1 again, so I'm going to keep it as Day 5. We'll just have to do a Whole34 instead. If anyone has been through this before, either as S.O. or actually being the one quitting, please give me your advice. I don't have an addictive personality, I don't know what it's like not to be able to withstand.. am I totally screwing this up??