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Whole30 Day 4-5 (Plus BP coffee recipe)

Friday, July 05, 2013

We had an... incident... yesterday, day 4.

On Weds bf had to go to court over some baby mama drama. I don't feel right posting the details but let's just say I'm beginning to really hate this b*tch. I began the relationship trying to sympathize with her and recognize her vindictive actions as almost justified in a way. I mean.. her husband and father of her children has moved on and is living with someone younger who is college educated and can support herself. That's gotta sting, I figure. Well now she's using the children as pawns to make our lives harder. There's a special place in hell for women (and men) who do that. It ends up hurting the kids, and for what? So you can feel a little better about yourself that you made you former spouse suffer? Joke's on her because every time she stirs up a ruckus, guess who he turns to? Guess who he expresses his frustrations and fears to? Her drama is only bringing us closer. She can file all the petitions she wants, but at the end of the day she's only going to get money. She can never take away our love. And pretty soon the courts will make it so she legally has to let him see his kids. If God answers our prayers, he'll get them half the time and actually get to see them grow up.

Ahh.. enough of that. Before I moved from Georgia, I told a coworker that he had kids and I had never dated anyone divorced with children before and I was nervous. She gave some invaluable advice. She said that when things get nasty between ex-wife and bf, tell yourself "it's not my problem". All of that is between them. She wants to drag me into it, but really I'm an innocent bystander. It's not personal, she would treat any woman who came after her this way. I will be there to support him until the end of time, but I need to breathe, back up, and realize IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.

So.. Day 4 Thursday: Breakfast was sweet potato hashbrowns fried in bacon fat, served with said bacon, and fried eggs on top. We had two BP coffees each! You could say we were bouncing off the walls. This is how I make my BP coffee:

-Hot coffee
-Spoonful ghee
-Spoonful coconut oil

Put all in a bowl and whir it up til foamy with my immersion blender. Regular blender works just fine too, just take standard precautions when blending hot liquids. So far my favorite flavoring blends have been cocoa and ginger, pumpkin pie spice, and cocoa and vanilla bean. MmMmMm.

The purpose of BP coffee is to give your system a jumpstart. The combo of caffeine and healthy happy fats create a magical concoction that can stave off hunger pangs until well into the afternoon, improve focus and disposition, and send you straight to the bathroom for your morning constitutional. Try it! Don't fear the fat. Fat doesn't make you fat, sugar does. And don't have it on an empty stomach either. It will fill you up and keep you full so you'll miss out on vital food nutrients.

**Also, I wanted to note that I woke up yesterday in awe of my flat tummy. You can see the beginning of ABS!! Magic is already beginning, just 4 days in!!!!!!!!**

Lunch was from one of my fave blogs, PaleOMG. Triple protein burgers!! Grass fed beef patty, sugar-free bacon, butterflied all beef hot dog wrapped in a lettuce leaf. I added delicious condiments of spicy mustard, dill relish, ranch mayo, avocado, and tomatoes. It tasted like America. Grilled asparagus on the side. Yummy.

Dessert was red, white, and blue. I made Berries & Cream from my other fav blog, Clothes Make the Girl. Strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries are topped with "whipped cream" which is really just cold coconut milk whipped up with vanilla bean. So. Freaking. Good. I may have eaten $20 worth of berries yesterday.

So now, the incident. We were walking around downtown, killing time before the fireworks and Bf stops and says he has a confession. He says earlier that day when I smelled dip (aka smokeless tobacco) on him, he lied when he said he didn't have one. And it wasn't his first dip either, he had one on the way home from court on Weds. I was beyond disappointed. We made a pact that if one of us broke Whole30 rules, we would both start over from Day 1. Tobacco is most obviously not allowed on Whole30.

I felt hurt. The thoughts going through my head were ... why did I spend all this time and money on grass fed beef...sugar free pork.. wake up every Saturday to go to farmers market.. make homemade ghee... buy the damn Whole30 book.. browse for recipes.. wake up earlier for work just make breakfast and pack lunches... cook every night from scratch... if your just going to put poison in your body????????? I told him I was proud of him for handling his stress so well and not turning to dip to calm him, and he accepted that praise. When I smelled it, I asked him if he had done it, and he lied to me. He promised me in February that since I was quitting my nasty habit, he would quit his. I thought he was finally living up to his promise. I thought I was special, that I was the one thing that could get him to quit for good in over 10 years. But it wasn't real. He'd only gone 2 days without it, then caved. I don't want to be a widow. I don't want to watch the man I love have his jaw removed. Why can't he understand that?!?!

I asked to go home. I didn't want to watch fireworks with him, I wanted to sulk, and that's what I did.

Dinner was burger leftovers eaten separately, in silence.

Day 5 Friday: Woke up without my alarm at 4:30. I had fallen asleep on the couch at a decent time, and even though he carried me to bed and I woke up entwined in his limbs, I was ready to hold my grudge well into the day. Then I found his can of Skoal on the counter with love note, and I melted. It was an offering to me, a token that he was sorry and he'll really try. After I threw it in the garbage, I made him a big delicious breakfast and packed his lunch, then I went upstairs and gave him the biggest hug. We ate sausage and veggie frittata, and of course some BP coffee. For lunch I packed leftover roasted chicken thigh and a salad with ranch mayo. Dinner is in the crockpot right now, shredded pork seasoned with sofrito. I'm planning on serving it with mashed plantains, recipe from PaleOMG, but that depends on if Bf can find them at the store before I get home. Found a recipe for bacon guacamole which sounds like everything that is good and right with the world. So that will be on top of whatever I end up cooking :)

My belly is still flat. For those non believers out there that think you have eat a calorie-reduced lowfat diet to be thin, I just want to you to take a look at what I've been eating. Fat, fat, fat, fat. I should track a day of eating Whole30 on here to see what my calorie totals are. I would guess 2500+. Yet, I don't feel bloated in the least. I'll tentatively say that this works.

Headaches, hitting-the-wall, and bouts of narcolepsy have been happening later and later each day. Day 1 was noon, then it was 2pm, then 3pm, then 5pm. Maybe today it won't happen at all?

As far as the starting-over pact goes, it would be highly discouraging to call today Day 1 again, so I'm going to keep it as Day 5. We'll just have to do a Whole34 instead. If anyone has been through this before, either as S.O. or actually being the one quitting, please give me your advice. I don't have an addictive personality, I don't know what it's like not to be able to withstand.. am I totally screwing this up??

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SPECIALMG 8/14/2013 1:09PM

    Hi there,
I'm a long time sparker, and probably 2 years on/off paleo/primal. Also love PaleOMG, of course. I'm now on day 5 of my trial of bulletproof coffee, and totally sold. I feel physically lighter already, and am eating well the rest of the day without trying. I found your page after doing a search for BP coffee to see if there were any other sparkers doing this-- sorry this comment is so late.

I make mine with hot coffee, 2-3 TB kerrygold grassfed butter, and coconut oil in my immersion blender. Sooo amazing. I think I've had the most productive work week of my summer so far.

As for your other topic, I actually know a lot about that, too. My general advice would be to try to be understanding, and give positive feedback for the steps in the right direction (in this case, him coming forward to tell you the truth is a really good thing!) For the bad stuff, try to be calm, tell him how it makes you feel, and then drop it. I guarantee he's beating himself up enough already. Just remember that overcoming any addiction is never a straight line. There will be backward missteps, but if he is trying, and making more steps forward than back, try to encourage, not punish. I hope that's helpful -- just my own experience talking!

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RYDERB 7/6/2013 1:54PM

    Sounds like your coworker was a very wise person. Hope the drama dies down soon. It really is sad when a parent is so selfish that they deprive their own children of a healthy relationship with both parents.

Congratulations on doing so well with your Whole30! Your food choices sound amazing! Definitely going to give your BP coffee recipe a try. Thanks for sharing emoticon emoticon .

As far as your boyfriend and his tobacco addition, going through this Whole -- now 90 and dealing with sugar and alcohol cravings has made me more compassionate toward anyone trying to kick an actual alcohol, tobacco, or addiction of any kind. I would imagine that trying to change so much at once would be especially difficult. I can't imagine how this journey would have gone for me, if I had tried to give up caffeine at the same time. Good luck, I hope your determination helps give him strength to fight his addiction. emoticon

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BOOKWORM27S 7/6/2013 7:37AM

    Wow, that coffee recipe sounds amazing!

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REVIVED 7/5/2013 10:38AM

    sorry you have so much personal stuff going on. I really dont have much advice to offer on that front but as far as the whole30, you are rocking it! Your recipes sound amazing!! I definitely need to try the bullet proof coffee. I've seen it on the forums but i gave up coffee completely during my whole30. Now I feel like maybe I should give it a try. Whats the difference between vanilla and vanilla bean? and where do you get sugar-free bacon? I'm super impressed with all the stuff you're whipping up especially since you're also working. One of the things I really dont like is feeling like my whole life is dealing with food but maybe I'll get more used to it. I got really lazy the further i got into the whole30. I want to try to be better about that now.

I'm glad its going so well for you - even only 5 days in!

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BIGPAWSUP 7/5/2013 10:19AM

    Congrats for staying out of the baby mama drama.

I'm glad the eating is going so well. Congrats on your abs!

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