Salvador took his dog, a very happy little spaniel, to the vet. “Dr. White,” he said sadly, “I’m sorry to do this, but I need to have you cut off my dog’s tail.”
Shocked, Dr. White asked, “Salvador, why would you want me to do such a terrible thing to your sweet little dog?”
“Because,” said Salvador, “my mother-in-law is coming to town tomorrow, and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”
I’m working 30 hours a day at least.
singer Kanye West, in a tweet
What gemstone did superstitious sailors of yore carry to ensure safe passage at sea?
As a writer on Cybill, Chuck Lorre had numerous run-ins with star Cybill Shepherd, who often complained about her lines. Later, while serving as a producer on Roseanne, Lorre clashed with Roseanne Barr over the direction of the show. Lorre went on to create and produce Two and a Half Men, and for a promotional stunt in 2008 the crime-drama CSI and the sitcom Two and a Half Men traded writers. In Lorre’s CSI episode, the murder victim is a thinly veiled amalgam of Shepherd and Barr. Before the fictional TV star (played by Katey Sagal) was killed, she yelled at her writer, “Don’t argue with me. Just make me funny. And lovable!” Later, her dead body was discovered with a rubber chicken shoved down her throat. Detective Grissom (William Petersen) deadpanned, “Dying is easy; comedy is hard.”
Instant replay, invented by Tony Verna, was first used during a 1963 Army-Navy football game.