De-boarding the ShouldaCouldaWoulda Train
Thursday, July 04, 2013
I was formerly on SparkPeople as MusicalFuse. When life stopped sidetracking me, (or rather, when I stopped letting life sidetrack me) I finally logged back online to my old account. I found myself embarrassed by what I was confronted with and desperately in need of a new beginning after my little 846 day hiatus. Lol. I was so mortified by the fact that I regained 38 of the 121 pounds I had lost and one glance at my old page made this humiliation fresh. Too emotionally distraught to delete my "After" pictures, set my ticker back, and profess my so-called failure, I made the account I am posting this under now.
I decided to compare my two accounts. Lately it has come to my attention that reluctance is something we are supposed to pay attention to. My reluctance was born of fear. But seeing as F.E.A.R. stands for Face Everything And Recover (or False Evidence Appearing Real for fellow twelve-steppers), I decided to delve into my old account and see what I accomplished in three years.
The first account I made on 8/3/09. Here were the stats:
-Level 7/5,293 Points
-2 Blog Entries
-296 Page Views
-44 Message Board Posts
-14,185 Fitness Minutes
Underneath the name FatAshNoMore, I have somewhat comparable stats:
-Level 5/2,231 Points
-3 Blog Entries
-414 Page Views
-37 Message Board Posts
-645 Fitness Minutes
I know that these are all just numbers, but they can give me some perspective. I have had this account for THREE WEEKS. In many ways, I have been far more productive in the last 21 days than I ever was in the 1,095 days I was on SparkPeople the first time around. The most phenomenal difference is the fact that this time I can truly see the website for what it is- a community. (And I have my BA in Sociology with a Health minor. LOL, if that's not somewhat ironic then I don't know what is.) So what's my point?
I no longer feel the need to stamp "Eff-Up" on my forehead. I am giving myself permission to de-board the ShouldaCouldaWoulda train.
Happy Fourth! I'm about to go meet my boyfriend's extended family for the first time and offend them by declining their food. ;)