Wednesday, July 03, 2013
This is my first time ever to post a blog. My story I know will sound all too familiar to most. I have lost and gained weight multiple times throughout my adult years, always gaining back more than I lost each time.
I've never been thin. I was a fat baby, a fat toddler, a fat child and teenager, and a fat adult most of my life. I am one of 6 siblings and none of my siblings were fat. I don't know how it happened that I was the only fat baby and child. I know why I remain fat as an adult and want so badly to reverse things and become the healthiest I can be for the rest of my life. I have two young boys, a 12 and a 13 year old, and I want to be around for them.
I first joined SparkPeople in Jan 2010 and was at my highest weight ever at 292 lbs. I had the desire to lose at that time, but never did anything about it. In May 2012, I started watching my carb intake and got down to 265 lbs. I lost motivation and went back up to 282 lbs. About a month ago, I started having a lot of heart palpitations and some pains in my chest and back, which scared the h--- out of me. Had stress test, ECHO, and holter monitor tests done yesterday and am waiting for the results.
Once I started having all the palpitations, I resolved that my state of health must improve. I don't want to be this big and this unhealthy anymore. I have let too much of my life go by being obese. I remember saying "I'm in my 30's, I'm going to lose it and not be fat anymore" then "ok, I'm in my 40's, now I'm going to lose it once and for all." And now I'm 51 and still in the same place.
I think the other times I was going about it wrong. It was always "I'm going to lose x amount of lbs. by this time." My goals were usually unrealistic. I didn't gain the weight overnight, but I sure wanted to lose it overnight. I've been reading a lot on the site about setting small goals and making small changes at a time and it will add up. I've already started doing this and am beginning to see that it does make a difference.
I am down from 282 to 269. I don't want to become a slave to the scale which is something I've always done in the past. I am allowing myself to weigh in every 2 weeks. I will take my measurements once a month including my BMI (which right now is 46.5 - morbidly obese - I'm 5'4")
I was always extremely resistant to doing any kind of journaling or tracking. I just thought it sounded way too tedious and boring and how was it going to help me anyway? Well, I've started to track my food and it's not so hard, especially with the tools here on the site. I'm tracking my exercise and water also. It really does make me more aware of exactly what's going into my body and helps me want to make healthier choices.
Another strategy I've implemented is to stop thinking about taking action and to actually take action. No matter what it is. No more "I'll walk later." No, put on the shoes and start walking, even if only a short walk. Everything counts. It all adds up. Taking action makes me want to take more action. I'm very excited right now, kind of in a honeymoon phase and I don't want that to diminish. I know I will have ups and downs so I will make sure to log into the site daily if possible to get a dose of incentive and support from others on the same journey.