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Happiness... Or At Least....The Appearance of Happiness

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

Du and I e-mail back and forth frequently throughout his workday, just little snippets, things that happen at home, or for him, at work, or requests that certain errands that be run, or chores that need to be done. It's nothing very important, but I found out today how much he looks forward to hearing from me. When he got home he said, "You must have been busy today, I didn't hear from you."

I felt badly that I hadn't taken a second out of my busy schedule to send him a quick e-mail or two. I need to make that a priority. He IS my priority! I just got preoccupied with some shopping/errands I had to do before our Fourth of July party, and then the cooking that took up the rest of my time when I got home. But I know I could have found a little time to send him a quick e-mail. I will do that from now on!

I had responded late yesterday (after he got home from work), to an e-mail he wrote to me yesterday. He had e-mailed me that it had taken him forever to remember something and he wasn't looking forward to getting older cause his memory was just going to get worse. Then he evidently thought about his situation and said something about maybe growing old wouldn't be so bad after all. This is what I wrote back to him:

"Getting old, as we've sadly learned is highly UNDER-rated. I'd give everything I've got for a chance to grow old with you. I don't want to do it alone. Can't I just come with you???"

We don't normally talk this frankly, although we do speak of his diagnosis, indirectly a lot. He makes light of it, and I follow suit. This was his e-mail response to me:

"You wonít be alone. Start smiling and be happy. Thatís very important now. You donít have to do anything else but be happy. Donít clean anything or work in any way you donít want to, I donít care, but you have to be happy"

And I realized that he is being so upbeat even with this horrendous diagnosis hanging over him, to insure that I too will at least appear happy. We're both putting on happy faces even though inside, I, at least, am crying a great deal of the time. As I've spoken about before, when one of us is unhappy, we're both unhappy and the same is true when we're happy. We take our cues from each other.

This was my response to him late yesterday, so he didn't read it until he got to work this morning:

"I will do that--just for you. You can count on me."

It's good to know what he wants from me. I was afraid he was thinking I didn't care very much cause I don't cry that much around him, not like I do when I'm alone. I do try to keep a happy attitude, especially around him. And if that's what he wants, that's what I'm going to do.

So...I can be happy for my Du, or I can at least act like I'm happy. Because it's important to him, it's important to me. And.....that is the kind of wonderful man I married almost 43 years ago. A man who is more concerned about my happiness than he is about his own terminal situation. I love him so much.

I helped (?) Du put up our new mailbox last night. Doesn't it look nice?

And he put up the new Barn Star I bought. This was no easy task, hanging it on brick!! But my Du can do anything!


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
KANSASROSE67 7/10/2013 6:03PM

    I am learning so much from you. Thank you for sharing.

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CLPURNELL 7/9/2013 10:17PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHERLYN-WILL 7/6/2013 7:16PM

    I just love when you share this stuff.... makes me think about what is REALLY IMPORTANT! You are such a sweet and kind hearted woman and are married to one of the sweetest souls ever... how precious are these emails!

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CARRAND 7/4/2013 6:54PM

    You have a wonderful relationship with your husband, and I know what that's like. My husband leaves me little love notes by the refrigerator every morning before he leaves for work. We don't email, but we send text messages sometimes during the day, just to keep in touch. Enjoy what you have!

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GRAYGRANNY 7/4/2013 5:20PM

    He is a sweetheart.......and so are you!!! Remember the happy moments and that will heal the sad moments. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MSLZZY 7/4/2013 7:08AM

    And you can do anything together-including dealing with his health concerns. Keep the love alive and you have the best gift anyone could ask for-each other. HUGS!

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TEMPEST272002 7/4/2013 1:30AM

    I'm glad Du is encouraging you to live happily. Wise man. The truth is we don't know what the future holds. With my hubby's last life-threatening illness, he went to work strong and healthy at 8 am and was in critical condition by 8 pm. Life can turn on a dime, so it's important to value the time we have. Still, I understand how difficult it is when you're sad and worried and, maybe for the first time, can't share that with your very best friend. Hugs to you as you work through this.

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SLFGOLF 7/4/2013 1:03AM

    He wants to remember the happy times and have more of those happy times. It also will be a comfort to him to know that you will be okay after he is gone. That is going to become more important to him as time goes on. You are fortunate to have family around you. Keep building the memories. Have a happy and fun 4th.

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1FARMER 7/3/2013 10:39PM

    Have a great July 4th! Enjoy your family picnic. Hugs, Jeanne emoticon emoticon

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SNOWYOGA 7/3/2013 10:37PM


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LINDAK25 7/3/2013 10:35PM

    Make the plans you need to make for the future and then just let that go and live in this moment and find the happiness there, one moment at a time. Enjoy your 4th of July celebration.

(The mailbox looks great and so does the star.)

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HAPPYSOUL91 7/3/2013 10:15PM

    If you are sad and unhappy, you will miss to many happy moments. The sadness will come later but for right now, enjoy the love you have and the time you have.

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KERRYG155 7/3/2013 9:31PM

    That's nice-the star, the mailbox and him wanting you to be happy! Enjoy every minute without thinking too much about the end because none of us emoticon ever knows when our time here will end.

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CHALLENGER15 7/3/2013 9:13PM


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DUXGRL1 7/3/2013 9:04PM


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