Wednesday, July 03, 2013
If you haven't been following my story and/or blog here is a quick recap. My husband and I are on the infertility path and amazingly had success with our first IUI on June 16th with a donor. We got a positive pregnant test on June 28th. Being our first child ever and very concerned about ever getting pregnant, I am more than excited!!!! My numbers also look great. I had labs done on June 28th and my HCG was 134 and progesterone level was 71. I had labs done again on July 1st and my HCG was 783 and my progesterone level was 71.8. I again had labs done today and my HCG was 2,284. We are still waiting until Friday to find out what my progesterone level is. Now with that being said, we haven't told anyone.... ANYONE!!!!
At first I decided to wait until mid to late August right before I go back to teaching but I realized there is no way I can wait that long. Then I decided to wait until our first ultrasound which will be around 6 1/2 weeks (so we were told!). I am approximately 4 1/2 weeks today with my best calculations! But tonight I had a break down. This is my first emotional break down yet.
I am soooo sick of lying to my mom and my friends and I HATE lying with a passion. My husband keeps telling me it if for a good cause and everyone does it but I don't care! I also feel very alone in a sense. I go in every other day for blood work and would love to have someone I know come with or to share my results with someone other than my husband but yet I can't. I just feel like my husband doesn't get it. I am sooooo very tired lately and he keeps rolling his eyes and I don't think he believes it really has to do with being pregnant. I keep telling him how much more I go to the bathroom and he keeps telling me he just thinks I am paying more attention to it and not actually going more. Seriously?!?! I just think men don't get some things!
With that being said, I asked him tonight how long we had to wait until we could tell. And he said that it was my idea to wait. I told him that I had changed my mind and couldn't wait anymore. He keeps saying its too early and our parents have to be the first to know. I understand it's early but I feel more stressed by not telling them, hiding things, and lying then I would if I just told them. My mom calls and I feel instantly guilty and worried about saying something that will give it away. And I completely agree that our parents should be the first to know.
I decided to tell them with a book and when they open it it will say something like "Something to read to your grandchild! Expected arrival ????" I have ordered the books but they aren't here yet.
I ended up balling through this conversation and my husband just kept saying this was your idea, we need to wait, etc. And I just don't think I can anymore! Of course I will wait until I get the books but they are expected to possible be here on Friday already. And we are spending the weekend with his parents and one of his brothers and sister-in-laws. I guess we will see....
It's been a rough night unfortunately! I guess with pregnancy comes emotional outbursts and this was for sure my first!!!