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What is wrong with me?

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

I am only 23, and I have been trying to get control of my weight since I have been 10. I have never been far off from my ideal weight, even when I wasnt overweight all I think I wanted was to feel in control of my eating. That's 13 years! My eating is more out of control then ever! The harder I try and the more I think about it, the worse I do.

I must restart my efforts at least 3 times a year, since I give up every time. I have been on this site for 6 years! Every time I restart i think that this is the time, and that I wont give up, but I always do.

Even though I am still trying to exercise and track my calories I still screw up (binge big) every 2 days at most. After I tell myself that I will do better (it seems to easy in hindsight) I write down tangible tips to help me achieve my goal. But I don't follow them, I give in to the same old pitfalls day in and day out. Then I cry to my fiance, and promise myself that I will start doing better but then when I get the urge to overeat, I just go ahead and do it. WHY? I am so angry at myself that I have bad dreams where people tease me. I feel like a massive failure, a lazy, worthless person with no willpower. What am I stupid! I have been trying to stay positive but I can't help it right now... I just believe in myself less and less everyday.

I know that I am the only one standing in my way of success.. so why don't I just move out of my own way??
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you for all the support everyone. I track my calories ever day, binge or no binge but I still continue to go over my calories everyday at least by 200 (1700). There are so many reasons for this, sometimes boredom, sometimes anger, or sadness or just cravings. It is hard for me to believe in myself because I am so self-defeating. I am going to try positive body affirmations. I don't know whether to get softer or harder on myself honestly.
    1693 days ago
  • YOHLI07
    I joined the site in 2007 as well. I have to remember that this is a journey and sometimes are better than others. Every year my eating improves and my exercise increases. Try to remember that this a lifestyle change and like any other change it's going to be difficult for us all. Hang in there and celebrate the small victories. I have problems with binging as well. One thing that has helped to decrease the frequency is to not make my "dieting" too restrictive. I have an ice cream bar, small piece of cake, or a hamburger and hold the fries, otherwise like you I go on these huge binges. Also logging what you eat on those binge days actually does help. It keeps you accountable and you'll be amazed at how much you can put away on those days. When I've logged in spite of a bad day, I'm able to get things under control the following day and stay within my range. Trust me I can identify with your issues, just hang in there and don't give up. I just saw your ticker. You've come a long way.. CONGRATS!!!
    1694 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/6/2013 12:49:42 AM
  • LETHA_
    You might ask if something was wrong with you if you were somehow different from everyone else. But look around, in our modern culture most adult women are struggling with the very same issue. There is nothing wrong with you. You are human and in the exact same boat as most of the women in western cultures. Be kind to yourself.
    1695 days ago
    Be honest, even when you have a binge, track it all.
    When you see the damage done, learn from it and move on. Don't continue to beat yourself up about it.
    No food should be "off limits", but many things should be "in moderation" and occasional.
    Slow down and savor your food. Instead of eating until you burst, enjoy the flavor of your food.

    When you write things down, write down what you're feeling at the time also. You may start to correlate the mood with the food issues. There is a spot at the bottom of your nutrition tracker where you can also log in thoughts too.

    Find other ways to cope. If you feel a binge coming on, blog instead, or go for a walk. Many binges come out of boredom or extreme emotions.

    Start talking to your mirror. Tell yourself why you're worthy. Find a beautiful spot on yourself and compliment it. From what you are saying about your dreams, you may have low self-esteem. You are special, you just need to see it in yourself.

    Do one thing (or more) a day that makes you happy. Whether it be reading a book or going for a walk or just painting your toes, find something every day that makes you happy.

    When you shift the focus away from food, you'll start to have fewer issues with the food.

    The other big thing is to change your thoughts about food, change the dialog from "I can't have that" to "I don't want that" and you'll find the shift in power go from the food to you. You become in control of your food instead of the other way around.

    Good luck! emoticon
    1696 days ago
  • CHERIJ16
    You shouldn't beat yourself up. You are really quite normal. I know I have struggled with the same behavior as you. It took me many stops and starts. Now I am 64 and have diabetes. This past February I joined SP for the first time when I was at a low point. My blood sugar was going up and my energy level was going down.

    Look at this journey as a lifelong adventure where you make a lifestyle choice daily to be healthy. If you eat too much at one setting get right back on track the very next meal not the next day or week like I used to do. You are doing this for your health not your looks. This isn't a diet it is a journey. Take it a step at a time and teach yourself new ways of eating but don't give up your favorites. If you want a piece of pie just eat 1/2 a piece, etc. emoticon Never, never give up.
    1696 days ago
  • 2DAWN4
    I know this really isn't advice as I too struggle with my weight loss every single day but we are our own worst enemies! But just be encouraged that you are not alone and believe it or not the day will soon come where everything will just click for you! You can do it!!!!!
    1696 days ago
    1. Messing up is ok. You only fail when you quit.
    2. Keep tracking your food, even when you binge. But also pay attention to what is happening when you binge, what time of day it is, etc. Then see if you can plan your calories and meals around when you are most hungry. Don't try not to eat when you are hungry, because you are setting yourself up for binging.
    3. If you are at a decent weight, then don't worry too much about consuming too much. I would worry more about exercising and keeping active.
    4. You keep coming back! That's a WIN!
    1696 days ago
    It is hard to break any type of habit, good or bad. My advice is to not limit yourself to what you cannot have. I find that if I say that I am not going to eat something the more I want it and the more I think about it. I don't have any food that is off limits, I just try to eat things in moderation. This way I know that I can have it if I want it and it makes it less appealing.
    Don't beat yourself up when you are not successful at controlling your eating, just do better the next time. Just keep moving and exercising.
    Best of Luck, it is never ending for me at least. emoticon
    1696 days ago
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