Wednesday, July 03, 2013
I am only 23, and I have been trying to get control of my weight since I have been 10. I have never been far off from my ideal weight, even when I wasnt overweight all I think I wanted was to feel in control of my eating. That's 13 years! My eating is more out of control then ever! The harder I try and the more I think about it, the worse I do.
I must restart my efforts at least 3 times a year, since I give up every time. I have been on this site for 6 years! Every time I restart i think that this is the time, and that I wont give up, but I always do.
Even though I am still trying to exercise and track my calories I still screw up (binge big) every 2 days at most. After I tell myself that I will do better (it seems to easy in hindsight) I write down tangible tips to help me achieve my goal. But I don't follow them, I give in to the same old pitfalls day in and day out. Then I cry to my fiance, and promise myself that I will start doing better but then when I get the urge to overeat, I just go ahead and do it. WHY? I am so angry at myself that I have bad dreams where people tease me. I feel like a massive failure, a lazy, worthless person with no willpower. What am I stupid! I have been trying to stay positive but I can't help it right now... I just believe in myself less and less everyday.
I know that I am the only one standing in my way of success.. so why don't I just move out of my own way??