Wednesday, July 03, 2013
Oh man, did I ever fall hard this time. I was doing so excellent. I was so proud of myself and ready to start living life again; That's when I fell down and I just pretended as if I didn't need to pick myself back up and give myself a swift kick in the butt and ask "What are you doing to yourself?!" Well I can't run away (figuratively AND literally lol - too chunky for running) this time. I need to just do it. Life has been very busy, and I have been very lazy.
I haven't been swimming in months, and I haven't even thought about all the nasty junk I've been consuming in just as long. I mean, I do think about it; I just push those thoughts out of my mind as fast as they come barreling in. I guess in all of this I need to realize that as hard as it is, I will never allow myself to stop caring about what's most important. That is ME! My health, my life, my premature death (which I want to avoid).
So with that, I begin again. A fresh start. After work today I am going to buy an eliptical trainer. I desperately need to get back into swimming. I miss feeling weightless and free. That has been my priority for months but sadly there is always something in the way. I'm happy to say that the faults haven't even been my own (for real) as I was very sick with a lung infection and it lasted a while and I couldn't swim until I lost my cough, and the same week that I healed was the time I had to go get some moles removed and now I can't get back into the pool until I'm healed up a bit. That's why I'm getting the eliptical, to get me moving in the meantime. I can't wait to have more energy. I am so exhausted after doing absolutely nothing and I'm packing the pounds on in a big way I think. I'm not sure because I haven't weighed in months. Ugh, not looking forward to getting back on that scale.
This weekend I'm going camping and my first day back will be my first real day of my new life. I have no motivation and the only thing getting me by and pushing me is the fact that I feel like I will be knocking on death's door far too early for my liking. I am miserable. I am going to change. It won't be easy but it just might get easier along the way.
Why is it so hard to start over again? It feels so much harder to get started when you've quit on yourself so many times before. If anyone has any good, motivating, positive vibes in abundance or excess, please send them my way! I am grateful.