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Ok, Let's do this! Seriously!

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

Oh man, did I ever fall hard this time. I was doing so excellent. I was so proud of myself and ready to start living life again; That's when I fell down and I just pretended as if I didn't need to pick myself back up and give myself a swift kick in the butt and ask "What are you doing to yourself?!" Well I can't run away (figuratively AND literally lol - too chunky for running) this time. I need to just do it. Life has been very busy, and I have been very lazy.

I haven't been swimming in months, and I haven't even thought about all the nasty junk I've been consuming in just as long. I mean, I do think about it; I just push those thoughts out of my mind as fast as they come barreling in. I guess in all of this I need to realize that as hard as it is, I will never allow myself to stop caring about what's most important. That is ME! My health, my life, my premature death (which I want to avoid).

So with that, I begin again. A fresh start. After work today I am going to buy an eliptical trainer. I desperately need to get back into swimming. I miss feeling weightless and free. That has been my priority for months but sadly there is always something in the way. I'm happy to say that the faults haven't even been my own (for real) as I was very sick with a lung infection and it lasted a while and I couldn't swim until I lost my cough, and the same week that I healed was the time I had to go get some moles removed and now I can't get back into the pool until I'm healed up a bit. That's why I'm getting the eliptical, to get me moving in the meantime. I can't wait to have more energy. I am so exhausted after doing absolutely nothing and I'm packing the pounds on in a big way I think. I'm not sure because I haven't weighed in months. Ugh, not looking forward to getting back on that scale.

This weekend I'm going camping and my first day back will be my first real day of my new life. I have no motivation and the only thing getting me by and pushing me is the fact that I feel like I will be knocking on death's door far too early for my liking. I am miserable. I am going to change. It won't be easy but it just might get easier along the way.

Why is it so hard to start over again? It feels so much harder to get started when you've quit on yourself so many times before. If anyone has any good, motivating, positive vibes in abundance or excess, please send them my way! I am grateful.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    We have all been there - done that - now, I will never have to start over, because I have finally recognized that it is ALL ABOUT CHOICES and we really can NOT QUIT because we keep on MAKING CHOICES and ALL our choices have consequences - For the healthy choices, there are positive consequences, for those unhealthy ones, there are negative consequences. But we DO make choices all the time. That realization and accountability helped me to accept the ups and downs (and boy have there been some doozies) without feeling like a failure who has to start over all the time. Instead, I see myself through a different lens as a HUMAN who doesn't ALWAYS make healthy choices but who is trying to make better ones more and more often. You can do this and you can dust yourself off and move forward with healthier decisions. As someone who "lives in the pool" I can appreciate how hard it is for you not being allowed to swim. It is a great idea to find some alternatives. I am already looking at options for winter when I will not want to get out of the pool and go into the cold with wet hair - gotta plan ahead, doncha know?
    1696 days ago
  • MINEA999
    Oh honey man have I been there several times before! I know exactly how you're feeling.

    But you took the first step - you're back here! Good for you! Picking yourself up is never easy. And the more we do it, the harder it seems to be. This is why I'm determined to just never let go so much that I have to pick myself back up and start all over again. And if you make this commitment to yourself, then you can look at this as the last time that you'll have to do this.
    You are totally worth the effort you put into yourself. But don't overdo it all at once. You can't just flip a switch and be perfect, so pick a few things to start on. The exercise is a great one. This week - just make a commitment to get 15 minutes a day or something like that. Then next week, maybe tackle the foods.

    Another idea which I never ever thought would work for me is to make a vision board. It was part of the BLC22 challenge and I only did it to get the points at the time. But the process of doing it, of looking through motivating images and sayings actually helped me pinpoint where I want to go, what I'm striving for and working so hard for. My vision board is up in my pics if you want to see it. I ended up posting it in my bedroom and kitchen and it actually has made a difference in keeping me on track. You might give that some thought - never know, it could surprise you like it did me!

    Anyway, you can totally do this, I know you can. So get to it! And make sure you're checking in every day to get the motivation and support!!

    1696 days ago
    You will find the motivation and inspiration to pick yourself up again. Be patient and it will happen. Do all good and positive things for yourself and it will all fall into place. I was stuck for months and finally something clicked with me and I began to exercise and take notice of how I was eating. I even dropped a few lbs. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1696 days ago
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