Wednesday, July 03, 2013
I went for a jog this morning. I made myself go slowly so I didn't give up, also because it was so hot and humid, I didn't want to pass out.
I think I still have an Eating Disorder. I guess it never fully goes away. I dealt with this as a young adult. I got tons better, but I think it's still lurks in the recesses of my brain many years later. I have been panicking about gaining weight and then I focus really hard on how to fix it...which puts my focus back on food and what I can eat. I get consumed and it becomes a vicious cycle.
Today, I decided I need to let it go. I will focus on eating healthier and making better choices, but I can not focus so hard on it, it makes me hyper focus on dieting and food. My husband said something yesterday that got me thinking. He said, all you are thinking about is food. And he was right. I have to let it go.
I'm certainly not giving up Sparkpeople, because I need to see what nutrients I am getting. I will keep using the things that I have learned from Eat to Live and other books. But, I need to focus on living. "Dieting" and even "healthy eating" can become a hobbies and even obsessions for me. I'm sure it's healthy for some people. But, since I have a history of Eating Disorder, my father was an alcoholic (got to be the same faulty gene), then I need to be careful.
Better choices, fitness goals that are attainable, living life and making friends are probably the only ways I'm going to get healthy.
Happy 4th of July!