Wednesday, July 03, 2013
This last weekend we attended church like we do most every Sunday. The sermon was really good and it had me thinking about faith. NOT the kind of faith for in church or relationship spiritually but faith in myself and the type of faith it took to step out of my comfort zone and lose weight.
I have always had a weight problem and an addiction to food. I still do to this day. I want to eat. I want to eat all the time. I think about donuts and chocolate and eating donuts and chocolate milk. I'm one of those people that it's "all or nothing" mentality. I can't just eat "one bite" of a donut or a "one sip" of chocolate milk. I have to eat the entire thing. This all or nothing mentality is what helped me get this weight off, because I've been so strict with my eating...but lately I'm just stuck in this mentality to where I'm thinking about this food and eating whatever I want and throwing out my healthy eating plan. Right now I have the "it's not fair" mentality. I mean, seriously, it's NOT FAIR!! There is a nurse who works in my area who eats whatever an whenever she wants. She is thin as a rail, doesn't exercise one iota and just makes me want to punch her in the face! (Kinda violent I know right??!!)
I thought maybe I could try "stepping out in faith" and try to believe in myself that it would be "OK" to eat a donut...I mean, just one and maybe just one glass of chocolate milk?? I have lost a lot of weight and I think I'm deserving of this kind of treat. But can I control myself? Can I only eat one and only drink one glass? I don't know and that is what scares me...what if?? what if I fail? What if I can't control myself?
The sermon at church really got to me. They were talking about Peter and his faith (or lack of faith) while he was in the boat out on the water with Jesus. The disciples saw Jesus walking on the water during the storm. Jesus called out to Peter and at first Peter was able to have enough faith to walk out to Christ...but then he wavered and he started to sink. He was scared. He lost faith and he sank.
I just want to have enough faith to take that first step...to allow myself faith in myself to step out of the boat.