Who Am I?
Wednesday, July 03, 2013
There's been so much upheaval in my life lately, I've lost sight of who I am. It seems so much easier to be who others expect me to be, that I feel lost in murkiness.
A year ago today, I met a man who swept me off my feet. I can't believe how much I loved him from the moment I met him, and when he asked me to move to Phoenix from St. Louis to live with him, I was beside myself with joy, dreams and excitement.
I'm still in St. Louis.
In the months since I was *supposed* to move (September), I quit walking everyday, quit my weekly visits to the Botanical Garden; photography has been sporadic; the joy and dreams faded.
Can you say "depression"?
Lately, I've been taking baby steps (see previous blogs all announcing good intentions), and having watermelon is helping. I love watermelon: eating a couple of cups of it for breakfast always makes me feel happy.
At work, my former regional manager (who quit last Monday, and rumor says she quit before she was fired) changed my hours from 7:30 to 4 to 8:30 to 5. I still get to the property ridiculously early, but instead of sitting in my car and catching a catnap, I've been using the residents' fitness center to get in a treadmill walk and work some weights before the day starts. I'm hoping to get rid of some weight and tone up some muscle so I can walk the Botanical Gardens again without being in (too much) pain. I miss it. I miss walking outdoors.