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Who Am I?

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

There's been so much upheaval in my life lately, I've lost sight of who I am. It seems so much easier to be who others expect me to be, that I feel lost in murkiness.

A year ago today, I met a man who swept me off my feet. I can't believe how much I loved him from the moment I met him, and when he asked me to move to Phoenix from St. Louis to live with him, I was beside myself with joy, dreams and excitement.

I'm still in St. Louis.

In the months since I was *supposed* to move (September), I quit walking everyday, quit my weekly visits to the Botanical Garden; photography has been sporadic; the joy and dreams faded.

Can you say "depression"?

Lately, I've been taking baby steps (see previous blogs all announcing good intentions), and having watermelon is helping. I love watermelon: eating a couple of cups of it for breakfast always makes me feel happy.

At work, my former regional manager (who quit last Monday, and rumor says she quit before she was fired) changed my hours from 7:30 to 4 to 8:30 to 5. I still get to the property ridiculously early, but instead of sitting in my car and catching a catnap, I've been using the residents' fitness center to get in a treadmill walk and work some weights before the day starts. I'm hoping to get rid of some weight and tone up some muscle so I can walk the Botanical Gardens again without being in (too much) pain. I miss it. I miss walking outdoors.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon No time like the present to reinvent yourself. You are in control of you (even when it doesn't feel like it sometimes). I really hope you didn't get your heart broken by this really hurts to have to go thru that and you have my sympathy if you are dealing with that. You seem like a loving and caring person and you deserve love in your life. Hope it gets better. Hang in there.
    Missourians! Team
    1697 days ago
    I understand the upheavel, my life has been in constant change for about two years now and I am struggling to begin over at the age of 58. I'm glad to hear things are changing where you are able to take steps to get back on track. Hang in there! emoticon
    1697 days ago
    Sending hugs to you. You didn't mention if you still have your relationship with this man, but things happen all in God's plan and no matter what we do to circumvent that, things happen as they are supposed to. That doesn't make it easy for us. Relationships are not easy. Losing weight and keeping healthy is not easy, believe me I know. Sounds like you are on your way to getting healthy again physically. Keep up what you are doing in the morning, and you will see progress in no time!
    1697 days ago
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