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Wednesday, July 03, 2013

Today I just want to go back to bed and stay there forever. Last night we had another heated argument, this time with daughter. I am having some really serious issues with the husband about his attitude. It's gotten to the point where not a week goes by that I am not in tears over something. (Im a crier)

My daughter is 18 and has a 2 month old baby. My husband is her step dad. We've had issues in the past but since having the baby my daughter has pretty much stayed here with me/us. Her own dad lives about 2 hours away. She could go stay there but I don't want her to. Her stepmother and I don't get a long, and that is putting it mildly. She's the "C" word and that's the most vulgar thing I can think of to call her.

I just know that that if my husband does something that makes my daughter move out and take the baby, Im not sure I can forgive him for that. I cried myself to sleep thinking about that. I got up to check the driveway to see if her car was still here this morning.

He was mostly the cause of my son and daughter moving out a year ago. Oh my son had a lot to do with it and it's just a big mess there. Now my relationship with my son sucks, but he's always been a daddy's boy.

My husband gets very defensive...and yells. And it's his way or the highway king of thing when he's all heated up. Later he calms down. I told him last night he needed to find a way to communicate better. I don't know if it sank in. I know he cares about my daughter. He'd do anything for her.

We have money issues though right now that stresses him out and a couple of weeks ago he took it out on me. I told him I used to really be bothered and IM starting to worry that it isn't bothering me the way it used to. (Meaning I used to be hurt, now it just pisses me off)

I do know that I might have to get medicated soon because IM starting to get kinda depressed. Im afraid I will be fed up and say I want a divorce. I love him but Im just tired of this.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    First, Hugs & Support, no matter what. We are all here for you.

    Many wonderful comments already on this blog of yours! I love the idea of writing letters, both to your husband and also especially to your daughter.

    You haven't mentioned the father of your daughter's baby... is this man in the picture at all?

    Also I wondered if your daughter and her baby have a separate part of your house to live in? This might be helpful, especially since there seems to be extra tension with your husband right now. I know that money is always an issue, but maybe you could swap a basement living space with whatever bedroom they are currently in so that she could have some space for her without you guys, and you guys could have some space without her?

    And lastly, keep blogging, and keep exercising! It is truly amazing what exercise can do for us... helps us clear our minds of all the stress, helps us to sleep better...

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    1695 days ago
  • JEAN111766
    Lots of good advice on here my friend. Communication is almost always the problem. Maybe you could write out your feelings in a letter... if you do this, just make sure you are writing how you feel... (sad, hurt, scared...) and not making judgements- maybe write one to your hubby and your daughter... Stress is definitely the enemy... not sure if you have a Higher Power focus or not, but I can definitely say that my faith gets me through all of my struggles.
    Sending some {{hugs}} your way!!
    1695 days ago
    We all go through rough patches - and hopefully, that is just what it is. A new baby - a person struggling to be a father when he really isn't - money issues - it can all add up. While it is easy to see how he is driving you crazy sometimes - and yes, it can be hurtful, I give you that - he could really be under the stress right now. I'm not using that to justify anyone's behavior - but even for me - it is hard to be my best when I am under a lot of stress.

    If there's any way you can be there for him - to help him through it - it could make the difference. My dh has been under stress lately and when I was sick - he was right there by my side - loving me. It made me realize that I really needed to appreciate him more - and forget about the daily stresses - and always focus on the fact of how much he loves me - and wants what is best for me. If I think that way - things don't bother me as much because I know where he is coming from.

    Like I said - under stress - it can be hard to see clearly - for any of you - and perhaps that is why the "D" word is being brought up. In other times, perhaps it wouldn't be so easy to say. In times like that - all I can say is do your best to take care of your stress - do whatever it takes - take the baby for a walk (and bring along dd too). Make sure you try to help him with his stresses - and communicate as best as you can.

    I really doubt - as there are always more than one side of a story - that all this is absolutely his fault - although it might seem like it now. Perhaps there are some things that you and your daughter can also do to help him out - or perhaps things that may have to change to help him as well. Try your best to be impartial - to hold your judgement and not only be demanding of him listening to you - but truly - with all your heart listen to him and remember all you have together - all you have been through - and how much love you have for one another. Don't just be blinded by what has happened recently - because you really could lose all the good for something that will later seem rather small. I'm not saying it is small - but in the scheme of things - who knows? Perhaps it isn't best to sit around the table and talk - perhaps it is better to go for a walk at a park - just start walking and then start talking when you relax a little. It may also be better for you to talk together before introducing anyone else - or their views (but that is just me). Let it first be just about you - and him.

    Although things can seem hard - it doesn't have to end that way. I have gone through tough times only to have us be closer than before. It is a test - and I am rooting that you come out better than when you went in. Just take care of yourself!

    By the way, I wrote a blog that kinda touches on those things . . . check it out:

    1695 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/3/2013 1:21:12 PM

    I will not judge you and tell you what is right or wrong.. IN your HEART you already have your answers.. look there for them.. do what you know you must !!

    1695 days ago
    I hope things settle down for you soon. It might be worth a trip to a couples counselor to get things sorted out. Often companies have an employee assistance program that will cover at least a few sessions when things are rough and I would think that dealing with a new baby is one of those times. Hang in there.
    1695 days ago
    No one deserves to be treated badly no matter how rough the financial situation is. My husband has been out of work for two years and we've had our share of fights and problems during that, but when things started to get really bad I insisted that we get help (counseling). It is time for you to decide to fight for yourself, your marriage, and your relationship with your daughter. My mom chose her fourth (yes fourth) husband over me every time and it really broke our relationship. Don't just wonder if your daughter is leaving, go and talk to her! She's in a rough situation too, being a new mom and having such a young baby. Let her know that she's loved, wanted, and welcome in your home. Let her know that you're working on your marriage which isn't perfect. Let her know that you want her and your grandchild there more than anything and tell her you're working on everything else. She may not take it the way you'd expect, but at least you've put those things in her mind. Then talk to your husband. Let HIM know that you love him more than anything and you don't WANT a divorce but he can't mistreat your children. It's as simple as that. Tell him that you know that he cares for you and them but his behavior doesn't show it. Let him know that you and your daughter are a package deal and driving her out would do the same for you - and you don't want that either - Maybe that way when you come to your daughter's defense when he's heated he won't go straight to the nuclear option (throwing her out). I hope that helps. I'm so sorry that you're in that situation. Sending you love and light.
    1695 days ago
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