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    ANNA--BANANA   7,345
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On The Tricky Business Of Getting Started...

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

So I "came back" to SP two days ago, with full intentions of a brilliant restart into healthy eating and weight loss.

That didn't happen. I found myself at the grocery store. Hungry. I caved and ate two croissants. Then I made cookies for a neighbor as a thank-you for caring for my cats while I was on vacation. And ate a lot of a dough. And a lot of cookies.

Yesterday I hosted someone else's child. All day long. This is very stressful to me, as children scare me. Even the nice ones. It makes me anxious to be in charge of other people's children for very long, because I can't be sure what to expect: will they be respectful and obedient? What will I have to deal with? Long story short, I consumed many more cookies.

So basically this is day 3, and I've done the opposite of what was intended. But I've done something that, unfortunately, comes all too easily to me: I binged. And then I kicked myself for bingeing, so I binged some more.

My history shows me, again and again, that that is my pattern. That, combined with a sincere reluctance to give up these eating patterns (because I a) love food and b) am addicted to food physically and emotionally), is making it, uh, very hard to have a positive attitude and to want to keep trying.

But we're at the stage where wanting to can't figure into the equation any more. Or at least not as much. We've moved on to the need to stage. Of course telling myself I need to do anything generally sets up a rebellious feeling, and this issue is no different. Or perhaps that's true especially for this issue.

That's O.K. That's O.K. Because I'm going to keep it at the forefront of my thinking and pray pray pray for willingness, even though I don't want to do this, and eventually the willingness and the action will come.

And hey, it's almost 8:00 a.m. and I haven't eaten a single cookie. That's progress, right?

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
NEELIXNKES 7/3/2013 12:14PM

    Just keep pushing forward. Becoming aware of your patterns is a good thing and will help you in the future to stay on track. Hang in there. You will find your groove if you stay with it.

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KAT321123 7/3/2013 9:30AM

    One thing you have going for you is that you're incredibly aware of your habits and patterns and seem to want to change them. That's a great first step and action steps can follow close behind. For me, waiting a few minutes rather than just eating can be helpful. So as soon as that cookie craving hits, I'll tell myself I can have one cookie (or half or a quarter cookie depending on the size of them), but have to wait 5 minutes before doing so and have to track it and have some water first. Sometimes that's enough to deter my craving.

Good luck!

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BLUEJEANS27 7/3/2013 9:23AM

    Hey, you're recognizing your issues and blogging about them, so that's a super step forward!!

For me, once I started writing what I ate in a notebook, that really made me think twice before picking up a cookie. I would say to myself, "You REALLY don't want to write that in the notebook, do you?" and that would often be enough to make me walk away. And quickly grabbing a piece of gum instead of the cookie would help too. Keep a pack of gum stored close to the cookies emoticon



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