Tuesday, July 02, 2013
Ever have one of those days? Yeah, the kind that is so high up, then so low down, but finally levels off at the end. (THANK GOODNESS)... omg, I NEVER liked rollercoasters. Not even as a kid. They just make my stomach turn. The ONLY thing worse is that big ship thing that you get on to ride and it swings way up and down back and forth. Yup, that is definately worse. But a rollercoaster... the high is so high it's scary. But then it's that trip down.... your stomach is fighting for space with your brain. Your equilibrium is just... GONE.
Yeah, we had that kind of day. I've discovered that weight loss has all these little NSV's that just drive me forward. BUT... at the same time... jumping on that scale every day drives me as well. It keeps me accountable, it helps me look back to see what I've done in the past day or two or three to constitute a change, either up OR down, so I can make good choices to get good results today. Well today it was up a bit, possibly from the intake of water/watermelon etc. yesterday, but ALSO possibly from the bit of Yoshida I threw in to marinate the salmon steaks. (Will get to the grill master thing in a bit.) My feet aren't swollen like pumpkins, but they might be a bit swollen... but really not bad at all. SO... who knows. But it drives me to do well today.
SO... that brings today's menu into play... I'm part of this Biggest Loser Challenge team and this week there's a challenge within the challenge to eat red white and blue fruits and veggies. Well that's been challenging in itself. If I'm going to eat 6-8 servings (at least) of fruits and veggies every day, why not make them all red white and blue to make for more points for my team. Well that's what I did today. Holy Toledo Batman!!! I started with my usual Kashi and milk and strawberries. So that was cool. BUT... for my snack, instead of my usual cheese and crackers, (usually after Curves to try to keep protein up), I had cottage cheese and a fresh white peach. That was still ok. But then came lunch time. I usually have either a wrap or sandwich with spinach on it and sometimes a slice or two of tomato. If not that, i have a big tossed salad with lots of veggies and throw my grilled meat on there from the night before. (Crap.. just reminded me that I still have salmon in the fridge from last night... guess we have tomorrow figured out!) Well today I had 2oz of low sodium roast beef with a slice of WW swiss on a thin multigrain round. No veggies on that thing. Because in a moment of pure brilliance, I decided to roast that cauliflower so I didn't have to eat a whole cup raw. (Watch how THIS backfires.... no pun intended) So I took my head of cauliflower, broke into florets, tossed in sesame oil/garlic powder/onion powder/garlic pepper and then roasted it in the oven for 30 minutes. I've always used EVO and salt and pepper, but thought this might be good. OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS DELICIOUS... it was AMAZING. =) hehe. So I had a cup and a half of that for lunch as well. Kept walking by it in the kitchen and grabbed one or two along the way. BUT... stopped that as I knew I had to measure. (Mark was grabbing them along the way as well, so I left them there... he needs all he can get.) But time for snack, I had watermelon, finished off the last we had cut up. (Will have to cut the next melon tomorrow.) That was a cup. AND another half cup of cauliflower... mmmmm.... Then decided after awhile it was time to start dinner. So while I'm getting the eggplant ready to grill and all, I'm snacking on another cup of that cauliflower... had that, too much grilled eggplant, (but it was AMAZING), and a 4 oz sirloin. Not alot of starchy carbs today... Just my kashi and that thin bun for lunch... but with all these veggies and fruits, I dont' even WANT any right now. Of course the backfiring... has begun. ;) haha.
SO... inthe midst of all that... while I was at curves, Mark got the call from the lady at the VA we saw last week. Good news, they are putting him on this REALLY expensive antibiotic that works with his lactulose. Bad news, his ammonia was over 100 AGAIN, and we can't figure out why, he's taking his lactulose religiously, doesn't get too much protein... I just don't know, neither does he or they. (Well, actually I do know.. it means his liver is failing) :( But then she has to go into it with him about not being a candidate for a transplant. We already know this. We've discussed it and have put most of his affairs in order. (the big one, the will, still working on that, but I'm approaching it as he seems ready, I do NOT even push him about these things....) So we KNOW this won't end well. WE KNOW the end is likely not as far off as we would prefer, but we live with it and go about our lives and try to enjoy things. We don't often talk about it because it SO depresses him. Well it sounds like she went on about it for longer than he would have liked and it put him in rare form for awhile. Comments about him being a dying man and comments about how talking to anyone there isn't helpful because they aren't dying.... it got a bit ugly for awhile... I knew he was lashing out at me a bit for lack of anyone else to lash out at. She's going to set him up to be seen again in 3 months. He would like sooner I think. They are scheduling the paracentesis. Thankfully they will be putting him under for it. (He has NO clue what this all involves... a big needle going straight thru the belly into the gut... ugh... not fun.) So we need to wait and hear on that.
In the meantime, we both got some rest, I finished mowing the backyard. Then I got out of here and got the oil changed and went to Catherine's to get my reward for a great June... instead of a shirt I got a couple pairs of capri's to work out in, (a size smaller YAY!) and some nundies cause it is just time. ANYWAY...then home, rest, dinner, and now I'm fixin' to wrap things up for tonight. Need to go clean up the kitchen. (He had spaghetti for dinner, time to clean it up and load the dishwasher.) So things have leveled off.
Sometimes I wish things could be different, but they are what they are. I'm working myself to that place of acceptance so I can move on, but one can't help but think about what might have been.... or worse yet... what is to come.... I'll be honest... I'm not sure what I'll do without him... even if he does drive me mad some days!!! =) Anyway... ya'll have a great evening!