Tuesday, July 02, 2013
So where did the weekend go? I feel like I was just here at work yesterday, with no three days of bliss in between. It's strange how being at work can almost erase three days of rest and relaxation, how draining the very atmosphere can be. Really, right now, it's dealing with the people that I find draining. My co-workers, the faculty and especially the students are just rubbing me the wrong way. And they're not really doing anything out of the ordinary. It's just that I feel so dreamy and detached, and I don't really want to be brought back to reality just yet. Oh, to have a life of leisure! How lovely that would be, and I know I know, who doesn't have that dream, right? But some days I want it more than others. And today is one of those days.
My weekend seems to have flown by in a whirlwind, and really, I do not know where the time went. My boyfriend and I pretty much camped out at his parents' house for the entire weekend. They usually leave us pretty much to ourselves when I'm visiting. I had hoped to get a lot of reading time in, but that didn't happen. Instead, I caught up on some TV/movie viewing. We watched the entire second season of Veep, all the aired episodes of the first season of Family Tree, lots of Adventure Time, a few episodes of Hammer House of Horror, and a few episodes of the Britcom Peep Show. We also watched a very trippy Czech movie from 1967 that has recently been released on Criterion, Marketa Lazarová. Okay, so recapping all that viewing time, maybe I'm not so confused as to where the weekend went!
Food was somewhat of a, although not complete, bust. The first few days I managed to keep my calories under 1500, but Sunday and Monday were a different story. Sunday was the worst, as we ordered Boston Pizza for dinner, and I got a burger, fries, and the most decadent chocolate dessert they offered for delivery. Monday, I had a lot of little snacks that just added up. Nothing overly unhealthy, although I had waaaay too many snacks. I did not bother to track my calories on either of those days, but I am sure I went way over. And strangely, I don't care. I drank a lot of water, and got two really good treadmill workouts in. I still feel bloated and crampy, but somehow, because of the way my clothes are fitting me, I don't think I put on too much weight. I'm still going to try and hold off weighing myself until this weekend if I can. By then my period should be over and done with, so any period related bloating will be down. Then I can see what damage I did with my super binge last weekend and my more moderate binge this past weekend. I'm not too concerned at the moment, though. I feel pretty zen about it all, and I'm not really worried about overeating today either, although maybe I should be.
I started out today with a lemon poppyseed muffin from Tim Horton's. This was my breakfast, and was a bad choice to be sure: 390 calories, with very little nutritional content. But I really don't feel guilty, and know that I will be okay as long as I'm careful for the rest of the day. I haven't written off the day because of that muffin, so that is a good thing, I suppose. And I really enjoyed it! I did try to be mindful while eating on the weekend, and that help curtail my binging somewhat. And I felt less guilt as I enjoyed my food. My relationship with food is dark and twisted, and I have a lot of work to do before I heal it completely, but I am truly beginning to understand my eating in ways I never have before. I now know that there is no way for me to cut certain things out of my life completely, and I don't want to anymore, either. I also know, however, that these are things I can't eat the way I used to. Moderation and balance are key, and a little bit of splurging now and then will not be detrimental in the long run. I am making peace with my love of, and need for, certain types of food.