First a link for you from TED talks:
As a person that has been able to overeat all her life and get very obese without having any blood sugar problems at all (if I had any genes for diabetes-2 I would have gotten it a long time ago!) I am not really sure how to understand this, but as a chronic rebel, I really like when fundamental "truths" are questioned.
Before I go on - july challenge, food of the day:
Burgers with sundried tomatoes and feta in them, fresh pasta, a sauce of tomatoes and some salad, a lack of spices made it rather dull.
Back to the disease of obesity - I attended an AA meeting yesterday and got some really good hints first a lady shared about her being sober but not in recovery - I sort of rebel against this thought that are common among "us" twelvesteppers - it does not seem to be enough to be sober/abstinent/off drugs - you have to be it in the RIGHT way...very blurry and understandable if you are dealing with food that is a matter of handling, but alcohol? Either you are drinking or not! And as long as you are sober it is ok. I have to fight these feelings inside me that tells me that it is "wrong" even when I do manage to handle the food in a good way - and I have two problems with food: 1. Overweight 2. Compulsive overeating. Number one is easy - falling numbers on the scale means that I am succeeding in dealing with that problem. Number two is worse because it is not exact - I can put up parameters to tell me I have succeeded but my sick mind keep whispering that it is not good enough if it is not perfect. And when that happens - it is more important to address the "disease of perfection" instead of obsessing about the slip-ups.
Another reflection from the meeting - a guy who has been in the community for only a short time is reading all the literature and said that it has suddenly dawned on him that he had the disease of alcoholism - and he could not remove the disease but treat it. And he said that it had removed his guilt and shame over the past - I realise that having a disease makes me responsible for the consequences but should not give me a low self esteem because I havenīt gotten the right medication - yet.
The third was a combination of two - a young man was on his first meeting with us - he is in treatment and told us he was brought up in a dysfunctional family with both parents alcoholics - and now he was repeating the pattern and letting his children down, creating chaos and destruction - and he wanted out and had been sober for three weeks but did not know how to handle the anxiety without and drug for comfort... and a woman - sober eight years - said that she used to use drugs to release her from anxiety three-four-or five days a week - today she uses meetings for the same purpose and therefore it is really ok to got to three or four meetings a week when needed. A "medication" for anxiety...
Overeating is to me a strategy to cope with stress. No world breaking news there - BUT combined with this "disease" thought I may accept that it is not only about avoiding trigger situations or trigger foods - itīs about setting up a life that works for me and as I am obviously not "normal" maybe I need a stricter "medication" to be freed. Maybe it is more important to me that I understand to follow rules that works. Somebody said (as a joke) at the meeting "Do you know that there ARE people who CAN drink - and donīt do it?!" There are people who can eat on impulse, without a plan and without thinking about what or when - but I am not one of them. Not today.
One thing I need to do is to put those meetings first - when my daughter is with me I feel guilty if I leave her for the two hours it takes. Yesterday I was hesitating whether to go or not but got lucky - she phoned a friend at 11 and they were at the beach and asked if she would want to join so she packed and biked downe to the lake and it was 11.30 which made it possible for me to drivt into town and attend the meeting at 12. But in the future I should decide that I have to put this high if I want to keep my abstinence from food. I also have to pay my bills today - I am postponing them and it is starting to stress me and will end in eating or total paralysis....
Another thing - a woman asked me if I was available for sponsoring in ACOA as I have done the steps and I hesitated - as a codependant I tend to think I should "fix" my sponsees - but then I tought that I can be a coach, not a leader. I have this coach diploma so I know how...