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    CYBERCITYSHELL   4,196
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Just felt like blogging~*~

Tuesday, July 02, 2013

I felt like blogging but I don't know what about.
This is my daughter Samantha when she was little. She is 16 now.

This is Sammy and Dwayne when they both were younger.
It is winter here in NZ, and has been pretty cold this winter.

This a sticker picture of Sammy and I . We like taking pictures when we go out.
Unfortunately it is hard to get Sammy to go out at the moment. Because of her anxiety. Coz I don't drive we get the buses and trains, which I love. But my darling daughter doesn't feel comfortable going out, especially on public transport. Even yesterday when we were taking the cats to the vet, Sammy wasn't going to come when Dwayne-my son said he would drop us there but might not be able to pick us up. She has to know in advance how she's getting home. I miss our little outings. Sometimes I go out myself and go and have a couple of games on the pokie machines and look around the shops. I have never felt bothered going places on my own. Apart from with the kids, I have spent a lot of my adult life on my own. And I like my own company even though it is nice to have other people around.When Dwayne(my 26 year old son) was little there were just the two of us. I had him when I was 22, and Dwayne's father and me split up before Dwayne was born. I loved him , but we were a couple who had many break ups in our relationship. And it was him that suggested we had a child, and I agreed coz I loved him. But a happy family it wasn't meant to be. We split in the January and he died in the March. He managed to get another woman pregnant in that short time. So, when Dwayne was born in the April it was a sad time coz my ex fiancee died, and happy coz my beautiful son was born. And I was the best mum I could be, in most ways I was good. I may have made some mistakes. And it's not as if I had a normal upbringing to learn from. Dwayne and I are very close. I met Samantha's father when Dwayne was 8. Poor Dwayne he found it hard having this man around when there used to be just the two of us. Sammy was three and a half when my ex husband and I broke up. I must admit, he was very easy to "get over". It probably was a blessing in disguise, coz it was like I had three kids instead of two. Plus he had major faults , and it wasn't till we split that I realised I no longer loved him. Sammy took it hard, mostly because her stupid father didn't bother to keep contact with her.That is where a lot of her emotional problems arose from. But really she is probably way better off than if we had of stayed together.

This picture is Sammy and I in 2006.



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PATTYKLAVER 7/3/2013 7:09AM

    I am a mother who raised my daughters by myself from the time they were 6 and 4. Your kids look like healthy, confident kids who love their mother. You did a great job.

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KARENKANDO 7/3/2013 6:30AM

    What a beautiful family you are! And you, my friend, are an awesome mother! I think all folks struggle in one way or another - and I pray that some day - your daughter will know a peace unlike anything she has ever experienced. But until that time arrives, you just keep right on loving her like you do. That! Is the best medicine in town!!! emoticon

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CYBERCITYSHELL 7/3/2013 12:02AM

    Thanks Steven emoticon . Sammy did have a lovely psychologist that she saw regularally. And we had family therapy, we even Sammy and I both went to this class where we did a therapy called "dialectual behavioural therapy. Which had us and another family there. This was last year and we seemed to be spending a lot of time going to appointments at the hospital, which is where the mental health unit is.
Sammy's psychologist ended up leaving, and then Sammy wouldn't turn up at appointments with her new therapist.So , they took her off the books. I can refer her or the doctor can, but she has to attend appointments.If I drove I know it would be easier, but I don't. Plus the same happened with her schooling. She wouldn't attend class because of her anxiety. She got the chance to go to this lovely one for mental health teenagers, it had only about nine kids there at a time. She attended for awhile, missed lots of days and got kicked out.So there's been one thing after another with Sammys schooling. I could have got prosecuted because she wouldn't go to school, yet I couldn't force her. Now she is doing correspondence from home. Her sleeping patterns are dreadful. Some nights she is up all night, while we sleep. I can't get through to her, as she will not accept me telling her things that will help her. She has piled on a huge amount of weight in such a short time. She is a constant worry. But that is part of being a mum. She says if I sent her somewhere for her health she would kill herself.
That is great that you are on good meds now Steven. And it is good that you have someone that you see for support. emoticon

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CYBERCITYSHELL 7/2/2013 11:37PM

    Thanks Wallahalla emoticon Being divorced would have been fine(believe me it was-hehe) but if he kept in contact with Sammy would have made the difference. He went overseas for three years and in that time Sammy put him on a pedistal, even though he didn't contact her at all. He did actually write me a letter to ask if I could hurry the divorce proceedings on. Because he had another sucker to marry. He did marry that lady too, but she sent him packing back to NZ when things turned bad. He then attempted to see Sammy for a short while. It was good he got sent back to NZ because by him seeing Sammy when she was a little older, she was able to see him for the clown he was. Of course when he decided to move further up the country he said "I'll keep in contact". He is married to wife number three now, has kids to four women. Again he didn't come and see her. They caught up on facebook and he said he would come and see her. He said after his latest wifes baby was born he would come down. One day we saw one of his friends in the shop. And this friend said Sammy's father had been to our area. Sammy heard, and was really upset because he didn't fit her into his schedule. So, she has a lot of hurt, anger and mixed emotions.
I definately don't think a couple should stay together for the kids if they are just not happy. That is not really good for the kids either. But if the two parents can be grown up and think about the kids, is the main thing.

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WALLAHALLA 7/2/2013 5:56PM

    divorce is always tough on kids, even when it's for the best

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STEVEN2GO2 7/2/2013 9:26AM

    Shelli, I hope you have Sammy into some form of therapy, it looks like she needs help. I know for my illness (schizo-affective disorder) that with the appropriate therapy and support I am doing so much better. I hope that there are health care providers that will help her! Living with anxiety is very hard, I know because I get anxiety at times, that is why I can not drive and must rely on others to get me places.

Today my visiting support nurse is coming out to see how well I am doing. I am looking forward to her visit, since I have had a 'good' week. Schizo-affective disorder means I have schizophrenia and mania and depression. Until I received the proper care I was really messed upped.

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