Monday, July 01, 2013
So tonight at work, I had a customer who I was talking to and he said something to me and I replied that I knew what he was talking about, because I had gone to nursing school. He looked me in the eye and said, "What are you doing here then?" (I work at a gas station in NH at the moment, because I haven't been able to find any other job in my city) I told him that I couldn't afford to take the nursing exam, so I was working part time there because it was all I could find. He pulled two hundred dollars out of his wallet and tried to give it to me. I was blown away! I politely refused the money and told him that although I was truly grateful for his generousity, I would work my way to take the exam. He offered me a job (he clears trees in the area). I told him I was afraid of heights. He said I could clear brush for him. I thanked him profusely, but said I would work my way as I was. I told him to put his money away, or I would start to cry. He smiled, and told me that I needed to take the test.
I have been struggling with asking God what he wants me to do with my life. I did very well in nursing school, but had a bad experience as a home health aide after I graduated school, and felt that God must not want me to be in the health field. I struggled from one part time job to another, barely making ends meet (and sometimes not meeting my ends at all).
I feel like this was a sign from God, that although I've had some difficult times, this is indeed what I need to be doing. My fear of failure has monopolized my time and held me back from what I was called to do.
I had my schooling completely paid for. THAT was a sign from God. I got excellent grades and succeeded, even while friends of mine failed. Yet, I let that one bad experience lead me away from what I should have been doing.
I've been struggling, because I've been resisting what I was meant to do in this life. And God has graciously given me a sign that I can't give up! I have never felt so clear headed!
I have always struggled with my self-esteem, and with my fear of failure...and I almost allowed it to rule my life!
But today, I have chosen to trust God...
Today, I will honor the blessings He has given me...
I will fight to save enough money, by my own sweat, blood, and tears...and I WILL sign up for the exam and take it!
Thank you Lord Jesus for carrying me when I was too defeated to walk alone...