Monday, July 01, 2013
Everything hurts. My back is a particular source of pain, and this is the first that I'm beginning to realize the effect that my breast size might have on my back. I choose not to wear a bra unless I'm in public in order to support my own breast health, but I'm beginning to wonder if I'm sacrificing for other areas of my health when I choose not to wear the bra. The alternative, of course, is to build up the muscles of my shoulders and back to make carriage easier. But it's so HARD.
The difficulty is causing me to lose motivation. It feels like small movements require me to push myself so hard and so far that I'm forced to deal with pain as a result of tiny steps, like getting out of the car to do grocery shopping. This is me being honest. I've gotten to the point of pathetic, and I'm scared for myself, for my family, and for everything. I'm ashamed that I did this to myself but all I can do is move forward and hope for the best.
It's just so hard to push through those worst times. I don't want to. Most days I just don't want to. I want to work on the easy things, like getting more (and better) sleep and taking vitamins (both of which I'm doing). Even dieting is easier for me than putting the effort into exercising. Dieting doesn't HURT, after all.
The pain sucks. But I have to push through it or this is going to kill me. Tomorrow will be a better day.