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    JAYDEE1211   28,057
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A reality check

Monday, July 01, 2013

So I now have more energy and the scales are showing a weight loss of 22 kgs. Of course, I have a long way to go but I have this thing mastered. Right? WRONG!!! I have just started holidays and now realise how tenuous my hold on eating well and exercising is. I have eaten way over my calorie range and feel the pull to overeat more than ever. And you know what? I have started justifying my overeating. Things like you are on holidays so relax. What's a little more going to do?

I have succeeded so far because I have tried to embrace this program as something I have to do for the rest of my life. I am not on a diet. I can eat whatever I want as long as it is within my range and I have lots of veggies.

But I have let my guard down and started to think with a diet mentality. I have started to think I am missing out. And I have eaten more to give myself a 'treat' for comfort and reward.

On this holiday, I returned to a few places I had been previously with my ex. One activity in particular reminded me strongly of the abuse and putdowns I received from my ex due to my weight and physical limitations. But, instead of patting myself on the back with praise, I resorted to food to soothe me.

This recent behaviour frightens me. It reminds me how mindful you need to be to watch your actions and thoughts.

So my strategy? This blog has helped me clarify my thinking. I need to be more present more often and use self talk to move me through these emotions. I still logged my food so that I acknowledged my struggles but accept they are showing me where I need to work. I am also starting the Couch to 5 km jogging program a bit earlier than I had originally planned.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIFIFRIZZLE 8/30/2013 11:22PM

    You can't unlearn this learning you describe.

It will stand you in good stead.

emoticon

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QUOOTIE 7/3/2013 9:32AM

    I relate to this entirely. Just have been camping with my family, something I used to do with my husband. Truthfully it was a extravaganza of indulgences and poor choices. I used the excuse of "I am on holidays". But to be honest I was filling up a void with food. It surprises me how even after all these years I still can be affected so much by memories of such profound unhappiness and longing. It also surprises me how often I still resort to food to sooth myself. I love camping. I love my whole family. I used to love my husband. I struggle to love my mother. I forget to love myself. Your blog is timely. I appreciate your thinking and clarity. Thank you. As for 22kg. THAT IS AMAZING!!! Way to go!

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LESLEE33 7/1/2013 10:45PM

    Try not to be too hard on yourself. Enjoy your holidays, and take advantage of the things you now feel more comfortable doing. I wish you all the best! This journey will be filled with ups and downs, the important thing is that you never let it pull you under.
I am happy that writing your feelings out, put things in to perspective for you.
Have a wonderful week! emoticon emoticon

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WENDYJM4 7/1/2013 8:38PM

    a great reminder of how far we have come but we can so easily slip back into our past. All the best emoticon emoticon m emoticon

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THOMS1 7/1/2013 5:38PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ANNROW0354 7/1/2013 5:29PM

    It's great that you are acknowledging that you are using food to soothe yourself. It takes courage to face these things about yourself but it is only when we do that we can make real change in our lives. I find blogging and journaling to be the best way to sort these things out.

Be proud of what you have accomplished!!

Ann



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