Only a friend can betray a friend,
a stranger has nothing to gain.
Only a friend comes close enough
to ever cause so much pain.
(lyrics from "Why" - Michael Card,
lyrics taken completely out of context)
I think I'm gonna change my user name to HellCat
and use this as my profile picture:
or maybe this one:
and this for my SparkPage background
Okay, that's my feeble attempt at humor. The best I can do today, after little/no sleep last night. No one was harmed, and there's no need for gory details. The rest of the babbling here is for me, for the record.
I still don't know why it happened, but I got blindsided (emotionally speaking) by my closest friend last night.
Just when the stab wounds (again, emotionally speaking) from the knives in my back had healed (from my former best friend, 11 years ago), the attack came right at the heart. I allowed myself to trust, to be vulnerable again, and I was caught without my armor.
Although the encounter caught me totally off guard, I am proud of how I handled myself during and after the encounter. I'm giving myself a pat on the back for this because it shows much personal growth.
* I was angry, but I spoke my piece clearly. (Before, I would suppress my anger, clam up and withdraw.)
* My words were measured (well, maybe not so much the decibel level), but I was true to myself (values) and to what I believe to be truth. (Before, I would be so confused/afraid I couldn't think straight.)
* I didn't say anything that I now regret.
* I did not retaliate to the hurtful words spoken against me, and I did not feel the need to defend myself.
* Although I do not believe I was wrong (but I didn't state that then), I was the first to apologize because I value the relationship.
* I am able to separate the feelings I have for this person from the dislike I have for their actions and words.
* I recognize that it is not my job to 'fix' whatever is going on in their head to cause such an episode.
So, I guess I chalk it up to a growing experience for the relationship.
And for myself, personally, a major step in my journey to health.
I have NOT eaten the pan of brownies in the kitchen ,
but I am wondering if a person can OD on watermelon . . . .
So, my journey towards health also includes learning about who I am. Sometimes as we grow, like when a toddler is learning to walk, or learning to ride a bicycle, it's not graceful.
I am proud of myself in clarifying what is important to me, even if it means setting boundaries that excludes things and/or people that mean a lot to me.