Monday, July 01, 2013
I found this card while at the grocery store and I immediately felt the power of its words resound within me. When it comes to dealing with my weight issues, I know the “way” is to count calories, exercise and stay focused on progress rather than perfection, and then repeat it the next day and the next and so forth.
But the question comes to mind that while I’ve known that for a long time, why haven’t I done it? What took forty some odd years for me to get to this point? Honestly, I think part of it had to do with being afraid.
I was afraid that being anyone other the “funny fat girl” would mean being unlikable or even hurting my marriage. It took me a long time (and some therapy) to see that there was so much more to who I was than that part that made people laugh. The idea of losing weight seemed to challenge the very heart of who I was. But I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past few months.
There is a part of me that dreams of running – really running – for the sweet joy of the movement. For the feeling of a breeze in my face and the sizzle of energy running through me. There’s a part that is delighted to see sweat darkening my clothing at the end of a workout. I almost cried from sheer joy (and a little wonder) that I managed to last 5 minutes on the Stairmaster at 260 pounds.
I’m still funny, but now I’m the funny fat girl who happens to go to the gym a lot. Eventually, I’ll be the funny girl who's always at the gym or at in the spin/Zumba class who can’t keep the grin off her face.