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    CYBERCITYSHELL   4,191
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Today

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Today we took the two boy cats Asher and Maxi to the vet to get neutured. However on Saturday maxi came home with a couple of war wounds. So we were hummmmming and haaaaing whether to take him to the after hours vet. Yesterday his leg had appeared a little less sore for him.And we noticed he had a wound on his tail. We rang the vet and asked them for their advise. And we took them both in to the vet for their procedure. They are still there.

My first client I usually have each morning wasn't there today so I didn't have her to shower. I have a client shortly where I just do her housework. I am a support worker and I go into people's home and help them with personal care and household duties. I love and hate it for different reasons. I love the clients-most of them.They are mostly elderly, and I learn so much working with elderly people. I prefer the social work side of things. But not that many of the jobs are like that. I mean I aren't a fan of doing housework. Since I've done this job I've found it harder to do my own. But I think that is also where my mind is at. Coz I am still a little messed up and trying to change that. Although I will always be me-whatever way that is. I would never want to be like or be anybody else.
Today it would have been my treasured mum's 70th birthday or maybe 71st. Except she died so so many years ago. I never got to know mum, I miss her, I wish she was around, I wish she never got sick. But life didn't allow any of that to happen-OMG doesn't life just so suck sometimes??!! But life for me and so many other people would have been a different road on so many levels if mum never got sick. To figure or even consider what would have been different if mum never got sick I would have to retrace my whole life starting from when I was seven. And my kids would not be here, a million and one other things would have been different. And life is like that I guess. But I must acknowledge my darling mum today. She was 22 years older than me, and she died when I was 17. Mum I love you for ever xx
This is one of the few pictures I have of my mum and it is pretty special to me. My mum of course is the one in the wheelchair, who is blind and can't use any of her limbs. My sister is on mums knee and my brother and me are standing. That photo was taken when I was about ten. it was my first ever camera. It was taken at home when mum used to come home for the day on Sundays.
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WENDYSPARKS 7/1/2013 9:16AM

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PATTYKLAVER 7/1/2013 8:37AM

    I am sorry that you lost your mother. Having lost my father, I know the feeling of wishing he was here. There's so much I want to tell him about what's going on in my life.

Life gives up so many twists and turns. But to go back and change them would essentially change who we are today. So, I just look at each day as an adventure. Where will I be a year from now?

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FERRETLOVER1 7/1/2013 7:11AM

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KARENKANDO 7/1/2013 6:16AM

    What a beautiful tribute to your mother. I can't imagine the pain of losing a parent (I am fortunate that both of my parents are still living). But, what I fully believe with all that I am - is that your mum is never farther away than your heart. Talk to her - daily. She'll hear you. I know that she will. And that thing you said about "being you" and "not wanting to be anyone else"? You are SO right! There is only ONE YOU! And you are special! You are somebody! You matter! The world would not be the same if YOU with all of your uniqueness didn't exist. Take good care of yourself - love yourself no matter what - because your family, your friends - the world at large - NEEDS YOU!!!

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CYBERCITYSHELL 7/1/2013 4:25AM

    Thanks Wallahalla and Cirohio emoticon
Sorry to hear about your mum Cirohio emoticon
Thanks for the comment Wallahalla emoticon , I am not really sure that I have many happy childhood memories. Because my mum got sick when I was about 7, I may have been younger. and mum went to live in a hospital. It was a geriatric ward,and apart from one other lady mum was the only young one.Once mum was not able to come home every Sunday we visited mum every Sunday. It was sad seeing my mum living as a vegetable. Mum couldn't do anything, she couldn't use her limbs to move, couldn't see. She could talk in the beginning. Even as a young child I knew that was no life for anyone. And I knew mum only lived on for us kids.She died on a Sunday a few hours after we saw her. At home our step father brought us up. He dealt with his stress by screaming and yelling at us kids. Beating the hell out of us, calling us every horrible name under the sun that referred to dumb. I wasn't just a fat child , I was a child who felt dumb as well. I withdraw and blocked out all my sadness, abuse including sexual,physical and emotional. I lived in a fake world where my feelings didn't get expressed, I blocked it all out. I don't even know how I learnt to do that. I think I even sometimes do it now. And it wasn't until into my forties that I started confronting my past and soul searching. I loved the step father(well I thought I did). I excused his abuse and behaviour because I thought "poor dad" you have this and that to put up with bla bla bla. But as an adult in my fourties I know that was wrong all the things he did. Yes he fed us, he overfed us, he clothed us, and put a roof over our heads. But I am pretty messed up because of it. With mum being sick and in hospital was traumatic for me. I learnt compassion for other people and people worse off than me. I became a defender of the underdog-unfortunately not always the good underdog. Because of defending the step father and also being a defender of the underdog I have been attracted to some bad news people. Ones that I should never have got involved with. And many times over I have paid the price for it. With mum sick if I had one supportitive adult there for me I might have survived okay. But he kept anyone and everyone out of our lives. I had four brothers, from my real father's side that I never got to meet or know. Part of me thinks I shouldn't feel bad thoughts about him, and part of me thinks he had no right to behave the way he did. He also died many years ago. My real father died when I was a baby, so I never knew him. When mum married the step father he adopted my brother and I. I learnt fear from him, and I don't believe fear should be connected with love.
And I am writing alot, but that is actually therapetic for me. It makes me think when I write and I have blocked so much away. When I write I am also confronting it. I am still going to do some counselling some time. I need it , and I know it. Years ago I would not have been ready for counselling because I couldn't open up. Now, I can. emoticon emoticon

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WALLAHALLA 7/1/2013 12:37AM

    beautiful that you have such lovely memories

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CIROHIO 6/30/2013 11:17PM

    Awe thanks for sharing these very personal feelings with us. My Mom left this life on earth and went into the gates of Heaven and a joyous life 14 years ago on6-21 the 1st day of summer. It's very hard but someday we will all met again.
Sounds like to me that you have a very rewarding job. Just think how happy you are making people. It takes a very special kind of person to do that kind of job.
Hope the kitties are okay. Are you staying on track with things?
emoticon emoticon for the special person you are. emoticon

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