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45 pounds and interesting perspective.

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Sunday, June 30, 2013

I'm a walker...always have been. I tell others my eyesight, or lack thereof, has been the driving force that has kept me hoofing it for most of my life. The truth of the matter is, I love to walk. It just relaxes me and helps me think.

Today I went for a walk for a very practical purpose. It was grocery day. Every other week, I make the 40 minute round trip trek to supplement my diminishing food stores. I might be changing my lifestyle to keep my weight down, but I still enjoy eating. I strapped on my headphones, pulled on my cap, and set myself off on a nice summers walk.

It was a hot day, and by the time I got to Walmart, I was already sweating and feeling the heat roasting me like I was in a slow cooker. I felt the air conditioner hit me like a whole bunch of too much, and grabbed my cart to settle in for a hunt for eggs, half and half, bread, and my hippie hair ties. (never found those. I'm picky about what I use for my pony tails). I wandered the store for a while gathering my stuff, headed for the checkout line, and stopped at a metal bench outside the store to pack my deals in my back pack for the trip home.

I started walking under the light cloud cover, and could feel the sweat which had cooled on my body now growing hot again, and the weight of my pack slowly begin to drag on me, pulling me down. As I walked, I could feel the bags in my hands pulling down on me, and the pack dropping lower on my back, following the pull of gravity, and it wasn't long before I felt hot, and sore.

The huffing and puffing started next as I ascended the steep hill back towards home. I had a moment of clarity. I wasn't sure how much weight I was carrying, but I made a pretty educated guess. I figured it was probably somewhere between forty and fifty pounds, about the weight I've lost over the past several months. I was hauling that weight again, only this time I knew when I got home, I'd be able to shed it, and feel light again. My pack suddenly felt a little lighter, (it probably helped when I to the top of the hill), and I put a bit more of a spring in my step, and started working harder to keep up with Billy Joel as he sang "Only Human" through my headphones.

When I got home, and finally unburdened myself, I decided to put my thoughts to the test. I got my scale out, and placed my backpack on it, and then weighed the bags in my hand. I found out I had been greatly mistaken. The combined total of my groceries and the back pack came out to only about 30 pounds and some change. I was stunned. I never remembered being that tired or huffy and puffy when the weight was on me, and I was sure what I was carrying had to weigh so much more.

It never ceases to amaze me what we as human beings can allow ourselves to get used to. I am proud of my indomitable spirit that has allowed me to push on for so long and do my walking with all that extra weight a year ago. I am more proud of that same spirit which has helped me to drop that weight, and made my life so much easier.

Between the two of us, netsue and I have lost a combined total of 100 pounds, and I am proud of how we pushed to do what needed to be done before, and how much stronger, better, and easier we have made things through our better choices now. 30 pounds was enough...I don't need to carry 45 to appreciate how far we have come. There's still more to do, but for today, I will take a moment to bask in the 'aha!' moment, and the feeling of freedom when I dropped that backpack and those bags, knowing that weight was no longer mine to carry.

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