Saturday, June 29, 2013
I have lost all motivation. I don't know where it is.... Maybe its hidden between the walls of sleep, a place that I won't be at until Monday or Tuesday. Maybe the wall of anxiety has removed it from my grasp.
I have lost the excitement of exercising and working out. I am falling into food ruts and grabbing what is easy because survival right now feels about the best I can do.
I want to be happy and excited and jump into my day again. The last six weeks I have had a baby that screams.... all day, and all night. It isn't her fault, bless her... but the ultimate result is a pattern like this...
Home from work at 5, make dinner, eat with kids (baby screaming the entire hour). Hold baby and try to do any trick so baby doesn't cry... baby fed and in bed at 8
baby awake at 930
Here it is 630 and she has woken up the other five children. Sigh.
Maybe when she goes to her new home on Monday, I may find my motivation again. I need some super good motivation from the motivation fairy... Think I will peruse some articles of where I want to be.
I need this. I have given up myself so many times in my history and I refuse to do it anymore. I may have only .02% of my motivation but its there kicking somewhere. I can feel it budding and stirring around, grasping for air.
Maybe that's just me wanting a nap. Is it reasonable to take a nap at 7 am?