Friday, June 28, 2013
I over ate tonight. I did pretty good early in the day, but just now I ate about 4 meals worth of chinese (with brown rice, and egg rolls).
I am pretty sure I know why, too. There are a couple of reasons, actually:
1. This clinical assignment at school that has been living in a crappy apartment through the week where cooking is difficult and fitness is almost impossible. I was afraid of this when I realized how difficult this lifestyle was going to be on me, and it seems to be coming to pass.
2. The other thing is... I am depressed. I am still so sad about my divorce, and compound that with the fact that my biological clock is ticking so loud I cry at the sight of babies. I have an unstable life where I travel and cannot spend each night with my cats, and I miss my friends. I want a baby, I want a family again, I am so sad and lonely.
What do I do? I worked so hard to be where I am, and I am scared I will lose it, that I will back slide. I like the control I feel over my life, and I like knowing that each day I make good decisions I am one day farther away from the health conditions that have killed off members of my family.
So what do I do? Fake it till I make it? Do I need to put my diet on lock down until I get back on track? No granola or granola bars, no crackers, etc?
I know I can do this. I know I WANT to do this. But how do I keep my dead and heart in the game when I am so overwhelmed by so many other things?
All I know for sure is that tomorrow is another day. I can make my choices one day at a time, and if I make a healthy choice tomorrow with either fitness or food or both, then I am doing better than I did the day before.