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WHOLENEWME79
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Back sliding

Friday, June 28, 2013

I over ate tonight. I did pretty good early in the day, but just now I ate about 4 meals worth of chinese (with brown rice, and egg rolls).

I am pretty sure I know why, too. There are a couple of reasons, actually:

1. This clinical assignment at school that has been living in a crappy apartment through the week where cooking is difficult and fitness is almost impossible. I was afraid of this when I realized how difficult this lifestyle was going to be on me, and it seems to be coming to pass.

2. The other thing is... I am depressed. I am still so sad about ending my relationship, and compound that with the fact that my biological clock is ticking so loud I cry at the sight of babies. I have an unstable life where I travel and cannot spend each night with my cats, and I miss my friends. I want a baby, I want a family again, I am so sad and lonely.

What do I do? I worked so hard to be where I am, and I am scared I will lose it, that I will back slide. I like the control I feel over my life, and I like knowing that each day I make good decisions I am one day farther away from the health conditions that have killed off members of my family.

So what do I do? Fake it till I make it? Do I need to put my diet on lock down until I get back on track? No granola or granola bars, no crackers, etc?

I know I can do this. I know I WANT to do this. But how do I keep my dead and heart in the game when I am so overwhelmed by so many other things?

All I know for sure is that tomorrow is another day. I can make my choices one day at a time, and if I make a healthy choice tomorrow with either fitness or food or both, then I am doing better than I did the day before.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v ALLIBERRI
    I appreciate that this blog is old, but my heart goes out to you. I hope that you are feeling less sad right now and that things are going well for you. I am in the sadness you were/are in for a very different reason and I know to just keep plodding on.
    I have also been in the lonely divorced mode and it was nasty. My kids left home and I was alone and was doing a degree at the same time, away from family and friends and trying to cope was a very miserable time. I hung in there and now have my dream job, so I know that you can do it too.
    When I run, walk, bike or swim I will send thoughts of goodness your way. emoticon emoticon
    1030 days ago
  • v JENNYDOWN
    I just posted on one of your blogs from like 7 months ago. lol... hope it still applies today. again i say hugs sister, hugs. emoticon
    1055 days ago
  • v JOMAMA
    Try to focus on building a new life which includes getting healthy, when I got divorced from my first husband it was difficult since I had 2 children and one was an infant. A friend always reminded me that "someday my ship would come in". It did, and yours will too, hang in there, emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1125 days ago
  • v CELEST
    Wow I feel for you. I went through the back slide thing too. I don't know if what I did will help you, but I'll tell you all the same. I went to my food tracker, found the time I was really on fire and copied the food for 2 weeks. I repeated the food, the outings etc that I did back then and it got me back on track.
    1125 days ago
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