Friday, June 28, 2013
So yesterday was day 31 otherwise known as weigh in day. The results are in... kind of.
See the thing is... I didn't actually weigh myself right before I started. The last weight I saw on the scale was 159. That was on day 12 of my juicing fast. I was so excited to be in the 150s. But then I crashed and burned as we all know and went on a 2 week food binge where I ate like I was never going to see food again. I have no idea what the damage on the scale from that was. I couldn't bear to see anything starting with a 16 so even when I started my whole30, I still didn't weigh.
Before I got on yesterday, I was super nervous. I decided I could be happy with anything below 160 but to see anything higher than that would be pretty devastating. Even so, I tried to prepare myself for the worst because as I've said numerous times, I really didn't feel like I was losing the whole time. Well................
159 !!!! Now the nagging pessimist inside is trying to tell me that this is pretty poor results since that's what I weighed last time I checked 2 whole months ago. But I'm ignoring her because I know I wasn't 159 after 2 weeks of eating pizza and candy bars everyday -or anything at all other than liquids. So I did in fact lose weight. And I did it in a way I can sustain. I don't feel caught up in the yo-yo cycle at all. I feel like I can keep going with this and be content - well, content-ish. Honestly, this is me we're talking about and I'll always find something to complain about.
I really thought about what I would do next. I think seeing myself in the 150s was the confidence I needed to continue with the whole30 which is what I'm going to do. I'm not really defining it the same way I did the first time around as far as an end date. I still don't know when and if we're making our trip which will definitely involve me going off plan. If there's some eating thing that comes up that I feel is really worth me going off plan, then I might. But right now I don't feel like I want to.
Even yesterday, we went to see my aunt and uncle and cousins who, very strangely, are all on vacation about an hour from here. They are all really spread out across the country and I honestly never thought we'd be in the same room together again. But coincidentally, they ended up close by so of course we went to see them which was a pretty big deal for me. They laid out a big spread for dinner with potato salad and macaroni and chips, cookies etc and I wasn't even really tempted. I brought a huge salad and some homemade dressing and I had some meat, salad and watermelon and hung out with my cousins. Food was not the focus in the slightest and I was really content. Being able to navigate situations like that without feeling like I have no choice but to eat whats in front of me or feeling like I'm deprived because I "cant" is a huge victory for me. And I feel more confident now that I can do things like that. I'm not afraid of missing out in social settings.
I still have some things I'm dealing with like the fatigue so now that I have the food aspect down for the most part, I'm going to try to focus more on sleep and exercise and see if that makes a difference with the fatigue and mood issues. I think I've just got a lot going on in my personal life. But I know that just eating whatever is not going to help anything. So i'm just going to keep tweaking things. I really want to get on a consistent schedule where I'm going to bed early and waking up early to exercise before I start my day with my kids. Thats going to be challenging because we don't have a schedule and we're not very good at them. Sometimes I'm still fighting with my kids to stay in bed and go to sleep at 10 pm. So it really cuts into our unwinding, couple time. And that's the biggest reason why I haven't tried to be go to bed earlier. I hate to lose that time with Chris. But I think for my sanity, I've got to make that sacrifice at this point to at least see if I'm more rested when I'm sleeping and exercising consistently. Having said that, we didn't get home last night until 930 and I could not get to sleep till like 1130 so like I said, its going to be a challenge. But I'm really going to try. And I've read and heard from people that some people need more than 30 days for everything to start functioning like it should, especially people with medical issues which I may or may not have since I still don't know why I'm tired all the time. I've experienced enough positive changes to want to not give up. My biggest fear was that i was not losing weight and I did lose so I'm not really worried about that now. If I keep going, especially with consistent sleep and exercise, i'm pretty confident now that I can get to where I want to be even though it might be a bit slow. It's better than yo-yoing and never getting anywhere and being hungry and fighting sugar cravings all the time!
Overall, I feel really positive. About this stuff at least. i still have a crap ton of other stuff going on. I can't believe my summer is half over already and I'm facing the prospect of going back to work again which gives me a knot in my stomach every time I think about it.
But getting all the nutritional stuff sorted out can only help things.