Friday, June 28, 2013
Here I am - day 5 of the Spark Solution challenge. I've been 'here' before. Where is 'here', you ask? Well...let me tell you.
I've been losing and gaining the same 4 lbs. between 172 and 168 for a while now. When I see 172 on the scale, I get all riled up and decide "today is the day" "that's it, I'm getting back on track!" "enough of this nonsense"! Then, I work really hard, using everything I've learned in the past 2 years or so of on and off Sparking, and I lose those 4 lbs. Then I let out a big sigh of relief, feel really good about myself and decide to 'relax'. That usually entails listening to my inner Mischief Maker who says, "Great job, Shelly. You deserve a treat." To which I say, "Yeah! You're right, I do." So, on the next innocent trip to the grocery store to stock up on good, healthy food, I wander into the glorious selection of wine aisles. And, a 'red' usually catches my eye with a clever name and artistic label. On rare occasions, I enjoy one glass and put the bottle back in the fridge for later. But, more often than that, I have two glasses, or three, or just finish off the rest of the bottle because hey, what the heck? Then, some cheese and crackers sound good, or some nachos, or whatever the hell else is in the kitchen that Mischief Maker is calling me to.
This is just one example. Mischief Maker is creative, and could just as easily start cozying up to my ego before attending a party where there is lots of unhealthy food, or a dinner out at a restaurant. The point is, it always starts with "come on - you deserve to relax a little, you've worked hard!" Just have one doughnut. Just have one glass of wine. Just have one bite of that fried chicken skin. Just sit out one extra day of a workout. Just one little taste of that whipped cream.
And, the next day comes - obviously I end up feeling like complete crap, unmotivated and defeated, thinking "never again!". Over the course of a few days of beating myself up for being so lacking in self control and visiting Spark, which usually slightly restores my hope in myself, I end up gaining back that 4 lbs. Then, it starts all over again.
Today, when I saw 168 on the scale again, I put on my running shoes and headed out into the warm, foggy morning while my 3 angels continued to rest in their beds and hub was getting ready for work. I've gained some speed in my route, and was feeling really strong. Mischief Maker started talking. And I decided that today, I'm going to call up and repeat the Monty Python phrase...."NOW for something COMPLETELY Different!", because I'm not so happy with where Mischief Maker has led me. Today, I am meeting a friend for lunch at Panera. Before I go, I'm going to visit their menu online and decide what I will order before I go, so that Mischief Maker will be robbed of her cunning ability to stand next to me in front of the menu and make suggestions while my tummy grumbles. In fact, I may even have some Green Juice before I go to make sure that my tummy doesn't grumble. I am also going to get outside of myself and look up some of the people who started the Spark Solution Challenge and haven't posted in the last 2 days, to encourage them and give them some goodies. Finally, I will stay on track with the Spark Solution program, because it's really not been such a huge amount of effort and I'm proud of the consistency that I am building, which has been my goal. I'm also going to celebrate my success thus far by going to the mall after my lunch (since I have someone to watch my kids for a bit, always an infrequent, welcome break!), and I'm going to either get a foot or Accupressure massage. Mmmm....that will feel great!
Go make mischief elsewhere, Mischief Maker. I'm too busy realizing more success to 'celebrate' your way, with you!