Thursday, June 27, 2013
I have always had a weight problem. My grade school pictures are proof enough that from a very early age, this extra padding followed me around like a long lost puppy. Many people would tell me when I was younger, "you'll lose the weight after puberty, just wait and see." Puberty was 20 years ago, and yet this weight is still stuck to me like glue. Let me tell you, growing up a fat kid, especially a girl, is brutal. Kids love to tease, call names, and insult you a lot. I still vividly remember some of the hurtful comments that were made to me in my younger years. However, it wasn't until later in life that the comments really took hold.
During college is when I began to realize that I needed to change the way I looked at myself. I let my weight and size be a big part of my identity. For so long I had been known as the "fat girl" instead of anything else, that I, too, began identify myself as such. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I have a great sense of humor. I was always considered the funny one of my group of friends. For me, humor was a way I could cope with my weight and self-esteem issues.
I did not date much in HS or college, which I blame in part on my weight. It took me a long time to build enough confidence in order to put myself out there in the dating world. I was surprisingly shocked when I started getting asked out by friends, co-workers, acquaintances and sometimes complete strangers. My confidence level shot through the roof and I was able to carry myself better and my self-esteem greatly improved. I dated for several years until I finally met my husband and married in 2008.
When I got married in 2008, I was 275lbs and very unhappy with my weight. Over the course of two years following my wedding, I bloomed up to 343lbs. I learned that I had Hashimoto's (thyroid disorder) and that I also had some issues with my adrenal glands. Many doctors and thousands of dollars later, I still have these issues.
In 2010, my husband, who works for the Department of the Army as a civilian, tells me we are moving to Italy. Honestly, I was devastated to hear this news. Being familiar with European culture, I knew that my weight was going to be a major issue for me while overseas. Living in Italy has been a mix of positive and negative for me. I've been able to see some absolutely gorgeous sights, but the stares, glares, gasps, pointing, and whispering about me while I'm out and about has been very difficult for me to deal with.
The past year has brought me along an extremely painful journey in life, and one that opened my eyes to changes I need to make. I found out I was pregnant at the same time I found out my husband had been having an affair. It's almost impossible to describe the joy and sadness all wrapped up into this huge emotional ball. I became so overwhelmed with emotions that my doctors worried I was going to miscarry. A month after finding out I was pregnant, I miscarried. It was at that point in time in my life that I decided that no one was going to choose my path in life for me anymore. I, alone, hold the key to my happiness and success in life.
I decided that 2013 was a year that I was going to set goals for myself - 1. Find a job I liked, 2. Start taking additional college courses towards a Master's Degree, 3. Let loose and enjoy life, 4. Look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of who you are, 5. Lose the added padding that is weighing you down with negativity.
So, here I am. I joined Sparkpeople a couple weeks ago to help me along this weight loss journey. I have a substantial amount of weight to lose, but in the end, I cannot wait to kiss all the added baggage in my life goodbye!