Thursday, June 27, 2013
A year of planning and convincing mysel I'm ready for a gastric sleeve--the surgery day arrived...and then I left the hospital for home, my incisions are healing, stomach is healing..
Four days liquid only with pain killers, coming out of the haze.
the FAMILY PICNIC!!!
As I sat at the picnic table and watched those in my family who are grazers, enjoying chips and dip nonchalantly, 2 plates of hamburgers and potato salad, they just eat to satiation.
I am mad--feeling such exclusion. Mad at myself for self-mutilation.
I can no longer eat like they do, like I always have. The reality hits me HARD.
I want a plate! Piled high with my favorites!!
I sip my protein water.
I want the acceptance to come after this internal temper tantrum.
I want the realization that I may have saved myself to see my grandchildren to overcome the desire for Doritos.
I want it now, the self satisfaction of a right decision.
OK--temper tantrum over.