Thursday, June 27, 2013
I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I feel like I give more to people aka friends than they give back. Not just things, just commitment overall. I treat people the way I expect to be treated and I expect a certain level of commitment & loyalty in return.
I feel betrayed when it's not reciprocated. I put out a lot of effort and go above and beyond and usually put others needs before my own. I get shafted in the end it seems. It happens over and over and I just can't seem to learn to change my behaviour. It's who and how I am naturally. I need to learn to hold back and do less. Also need to realize that some people are users and take advantage of me and are selfish and that I need to pull back in how I treat them.
Another thing is I share my feelings and thoughts with people who I think are my friends or that I can trust, thus making me vulnerable to them, sharing how I feel to the core, and I'm realizing they don't do the same. It's just one sided.
I need to reevaluate and rethink things and change my behaviour in order to protect myself. I feel like crap right now but how do I change who I am?
This whole thing is getting me down but I'm trying to not emotiona eat. I saw an ad on the tv for a double pizza deal and I felt I wanted it. I picked up my phone to get the # and I began dialing it, I stopped and reflected and thought of how it would undo the work I've been doing for the last month and a half. I didn't order the pizza and I felt good. Went and ate some air popped popcorn instead.