It's been two weeks, why am I still fat?!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Well, the newness has officially worn off of this plan. That doesn't mean that I'm not still enjoying it from time to time (not to mention I have more energy!), but the bloom is definitely off the rose. I'm at that point where I'm seriously trying to sabotage myself. This is BORING! It's not WORKING! Why am I STILL FAT!?
At least, that's how it feels. Of course, I know that the weight I slowly accumulated over almost 11 years isn't just going to fall off me just because I'm finally making good choices. I know this is a new way of living, not a quick fix. I know this is a journey, and I really do embrace that. But that small, evil voice inside me still keeps chanting, "boring-boring-boring-you-dese
ou-loser-c'mon-WHAT'S-NEXT?" I once named that voice Sue. I need to tell her to shut up.
But the miraculous thing is that I'm still here. I've never been this far along in a plan, so I don't really know what happens next. I'm surprised I'm still here. I think the hardest part right now is living with my mistakes and moving on. I was PERFECT for the first week and it was effortless. Now I've slipped up and not tracked or not had enough water and my SparkStreaks are all back to zero days and part of me feels like I'm not really on the plan anymore at all and Sue keeps whispering to me that I may as well give up because I obviously can't do it.
But I'm still here. And I'm going to stay here. And, whatever else has happened this week, I'm still down 10 pounds.
This is not about perfection; it's about change. I am changing. I am making different choices. Not always perfect choices and old habits can die hard, but it's been two weeks and I'm still here.
I'm not going anywhere.
And tomorrow over my lunch break I'm going to go out and buy myself those new shoes I promised myself once I was on the plan for two weeks.