Wednesday, June 26, 2013
It has been WAY too long since I blogged.
The past 6 months have probably been the hardest of this weight loss journey. In the beginning of January I was 175 lbs, 10 lbs from goal. I know I have said this before, but I thought that it was going to be a piece of cake with only 10 lbs left. NOT! I got off track and feel like I had a backslide, but I am doing a lot better now. I still am 10 lbs from goal at 175 lbs. The bad news is that I am still 10 lbs away from my goal and am not sure that I will make it this year, but the good news is that I am maintaining...2 months ago I had gone up 5 lbs to 180....first 3 lbs, then 2 more lbs. I had a serious talk with myself and put an end to THAT, lost the 5 lbs, and I feel like I am back on track again, FINALLY. I feel good that I was able to contain the gain to only 5 lbs. I have never been able to do that before. EVER
Those of you who read my blogs towards the end of last year know that my personal life has been complicated lately. I am not going to talk about it that much now, except to say that I am not nearly as stressed out as I was at that time and actually, there have been some positive things that have come of it, so I am feeling a lot better. But things are still not resolved, and I am going to have to find a place I like and can afford and move AGAIN to get out of this expensive place, so that is stressful, but I don't really want to go into that now. Having said that, though, all of this has impacted my eating, but not my exercising, so at least I was really good with that.
In trying to figure out why this happened, there are a few reasons I could think of. I think that I felt some pressure to lose weight faster because of my class reunion in October, AND I also started weighing myself more often, which did nothing but stress me out more and negatively affect my eating.
I think that I may have felt that I could ease up because I had been through so much stress during the last part of the year and beginning of this year.
I have also found it really hard to stay motivated because I feel like I look good now. I feel good now. There isn't the urgency that I had when I was 58 lbs heavier. The evil thin girl in my head (remember her?) doesn't help.
I started feeling like maybe I can't do this, can't finish this after all. I never have gotten all the way to goal before. The evil thin girl in my head always stops me!
What I said to myself emotionally during my serious talk with myself...how would I feel at my class reunion, how would I feel, PERIOD, if I felt like I had gotten so close and let it slip away, and did not look as good as I had, say, at the end of last year? How would I feel with myself about having worked so hard for over 2 years for something, and then giving up? It would be just one of many things that I have given up on. I felt like if I gave up on this now, I will never be able to do it again, and I would never get over letting it slip away. I could never forgive myself.
I donít know if you caught the episode of Chris Powell's Extreme Makeover last month. I can't remember the name of the woman, (She was great, though) she had gotten into running while working with Chris, but when she was getting close to her goal, she said something like "Who gives up during the last mile of the marathon?" That really got me. The same woman also had her goal weight of 155 tattooed on her body, and she finally made it. I donít intend to have my goal weight of 165 tattooed on my body, but I still want to get there.
So during the serious talk with myself I tried to identify some things that I could do to get back on track. Some I have been more successful with than others. I always track my food on paper, but I was going to start really planning my food again (DUH!) so I would be exactly in the calorie range that I wanted to be instead of sorta kinda maybe being there. That has worked really well for me the last couple of months. I don't do it 100% of the time, but I do it most of the time.
I was going to start journalling more than I had been to make sure that I was not stuffing my feelings, and I have, although I would like to be able to do it more than I can do now.
I was going to try to get more sleep. I am a little better with that, but not nearly as good as I should be. At least I am more aware of it now as something I need to shoot for.
When I have bad food days (And I still do, sometimes) I try to figure out why. It could be that I am tired. It could be that I'm bored. And sometimes, I feel like I am getting at feelings that are deeper than that, which is a good thing, because I may finally be exposing some of the deepest roots of my overeating, the exact reasons that are hard to get at that started it to begin with all those years ago as a teenager. I would really love to know what is really behind all of this, because I feel like it would not only resolve my weight issues but also life issues.
And then I try to get back on track, right the boat as some of you have said.
So when I was 175 at the end of December and beginning of January, I was not sure whether I was a real 175 or a stressed out 175, because I think that I stressed off a bunch of weight. This June 175 totally came from hard work.
My next weigh-in will be on 7/20. I am DETERMINED to be 173, hopefully 172. 173 will be my 60 lb weight loss milestone, AND my NORMAL BMI milestone! After that, I donít know that it is realistic that I will be able to get to my goal weight of 165 by my class reunion on 10/5, but I do think that I could make it into the 160s. I am sure gonna try!
To finish with a NSV, all my pants are too big. I have a brand of pants from QVC that I love, and I have them in several colors. They are cotton, have elastic waists, and are very comfy and I can wear them to work. Most of the ones I have are size large, altho I do have a few that are medium, and I will probably slowly replace the large ones. Anyway, I needed some new white ones because my old white ones had a hole in them. QVC did not have the white ones in medium, so I decided to take a chance and order a small pair because even some of the mediums I have are kind of baggy. Well, the size small white pants arrived, and they FIT! And they were comfortable! Now, I am not saying that I can walk into any store and try on any pants and be a small, these pants probably run larger, and my old skinny jeans from the 80s donít fit me yet, but I got a huge charge out of this. Me, a SMALL? Who would have imagined that? So at some point, I will take and post a photo of me in my white, size small pants!