Wednesday, June 26, 2013
I went for a nice walk/run this morning. It was dark and quiet (except for Adele and Eminem on my shuffle). The 'hood had not awakened yet, and I had it to myself.
And as I walked, I made a decision.
No more counting. (with one exception, see below*)
Not calories, steps, minutes, sit-ups, downward dogs, Wii scores, glasses of water, meals in restaurants, pants sizes, bra sizes, pounds on the scale, number of vegetables I've eaten today, spark points, minutes for this, minutes for that.
I know this is antithetical to the whole idea of Spark. But here's what: It's too much. I put too much pressure on myself. I feel pushed. Gotta be more than yesterday. Gotta hit the goal. Gotta, gotta, gotta. I push myself, clearly. I put the pressure on. I am the one who sets a trillion goals, and then goes crazy trying to meet them. I am the one who cries "UNCLE" when I can't keep up with my own demands. I am the one who surrenders into a big fat piece of red velvet cake for consolation.
It feels just like should, should, should. And the word should implies that whatever is current is insufficient or lacking somehow, and I'm not sure that's what my subconscious needs to hear right now.
I will walk.
I will drink water.
I will take the stairs.
I will appreciate that I have clean clothes in the closet.
I will have fun trying to balance on the Wii board.
I will feel the amazing movement in my legs and back in moving from Cobra into Downward Dog.
I will eat well, and purely.
I will send notes to spark buddies, and surf around for cool tidbits - regardless of whether I'm earning points for it.
I will enjoy the early morning in my neighborhood, when it is quiet and calm, and then there is a sunrise.
No more musts. Except one. (Okay, Okay, two).
*I will breathe hard every day, and I will blog every day.
I am such a mess physically right now, and the mountain I have to climb is so big, I scare myself when I realize howfar I have to go. So I'm not going to think about it. I am just going to enjoy how pretty the trail is. Right now. Right here.
I have all the tools. I know how to move, what to eat, all that. There is no learning curve. There is an adaptation curve, and I will take it one bootstep at a time.
Breathe hard, blog. Done and done.
And on that note, I'm off to refill my water glass.