Wednesday, June 26, 2013
I decided to change my weighing day to Mondays so I weighed myself early this week and I am under 80 kgs for the first time in about 2 years. And I don't know when I last lost more than 1 kg in a week let alone 5 days. I was ecstatic. I still am on some level - but the joy was quickly replaced by panic. On one hand I keep thinking what if this is a fluke? What if in next week's weigh in no matter how hard I try, I am just not capable of losing the weight and achieving a weight that I am comfortable and confident in?
However what terrifies me most, is that this might actually work. I could actually achieve my goal weight. I no longer think it would change my life really - I cannot honestly say that my weight has got to a point yet where it became debilitating - but it will certainly change the way I live my life. I am already feeling a little more in control and focused at work, positive and productive. Am I so used to being dissatisfied with my weight that I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I achieve the weight loss? Does this 'comfort' cause me to sabotage my efforts when I start seeing progress?
The quote - Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure, it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us - describes how I feel to a T. I guess my fear is that if I accept that I am powerful beyond measure, then I have to live up to that power. I have no excuse to live a second rate life.