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Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Why is it with emotions that I have to cram the feelings back down with food. I have worked so dang hard at loosing the weight to only fall right back down in the old habits. Guilt, shame, fear.....

I am trying to not beat myself up and start over again but I have no will power right now. Something happened between hubby and I this past weekend that made me feel bad again. Can't make myself exercise and am just stuffing the feelings down with food. I know what to do, I have the tools so why can't I just do them?

Sometimes, I think that it is more comfortable feeling these bad feelings than the good ones that aren't so familiar and scary. Being in the "DRAMA" instead of the LIGHT is so much more comfortable and normal f or me!!! I have been beat down so much during my childhood that when I am going good and happy, or it is nice and calm in my life, something happens to drag me back down. The old me, that broken child.

I am no longer that hurt little girl, I am an adult so why can't I be one? I need to pick myself back up once again and start over with eating right and exercising. Taking care of me. So why is that so hard? What is blocking me? What fear inside me is keeping me from my goals?

This war I have inside right now, this war within myself, good/bad, black/white. There is no good or bad, it just IS...

Just thinking out loud, don't expect anyone to reply. Trying to get this out and get back on track. I need to give myself the same love and respect I do anyone else. IT is so much easier taking care of everyone else and ignoring ME!

Thank you for listening..
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1727 days ago
    Jetta, I feel exactly the same way and I keep
    asking myself what am I looking for? Why this
    and why that. I just came back from a visit to a
    very wise friend who told me not to beat myself
    up and not to be guilty and to LOVE MYSELF no
    matter what. She has been through so much as well,
    but seems to have a positive view on everything.
    So my dear, just get up and go. You will get there.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1727 days ago
    jetta, so many people ask so much of you. For example, I am reading this after I sent you a long private. I am reading from many folks who seek your good counsel. Because you are so generous with yourself, your time, and your gifts, you might not realize until you feel this way that you desire to be attentive to yourself and your needs in your life. If it is any comfort, you have a huge network not only in the spiritual world and in the Sparkworld but also among your adult family that you have formed, fostered, and created with bonds of authentic love.

    The feeling like you are a magnet for problems is one that I share. Sometimes it reminds me of the old testament prophet, Job, who is "blessed" with being in the DRAMA. Other times it feels like a curse. At the moment as I have expressed to you, it feels more like a curse. Your wisdom has already informed your good reason to know that the bad emotions do go away. Many including myself rarely understand the self insight that comes so naturally for you.
    1727 days ago
    Jetta we all have that little girl inside us no matter how old we get. You are punishing yourself for something that is not your fault and you need to look inside and let it go. Write it on a piece of paper, say a prayer, give it to God and ask the angels to take it away. then burn it. Watch the fire as it consumes the paper and your feelings of guilt.
    Anger will eat you alive if you let it. It is past and what is in the past should stay there and make a new start to take each day with a twist of laughter and a full heart of love. emoticon Pam
    1728 days ago
  • DIETER27
    Maybe the bad is happening to make you realize you need to slow down and focus on yourself. Embrace yourself and go out and do something for yourself like get a manicure or maybe a new hairstyle. a little Me time is necessary for you right now. Even just taking a bath or using vanilla scented body spray might help. Hope things get better for you soon.... Have a nice day!
    1728 days ago
    maybe the " bad" is happening to make you look and focus on the " me" . just embrace yourself , your now self , your past , your future and the virtual ones that could be emoticon
    1728 days ago
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