Tuesday, June 25, 2013
After being almost stranded several miles from my house because of the crazy and insane flooding we experienced yesterday, I now have some sympathy for those people who you see on TV, who have driven their cars into too-deep water, and are clinging desperately to a tree, waiting for rescue.
I had no idea that rain water could create its own current. Seriously. It was scary.
By the time I finally made it home, detour after detour because I couldn't find a road not flooded, I had to park at the end of the street, literally roll my jeans up to my knees and wade through about two feet (or more) of water to get to the house. I swear to you, there was an undertow. I'm not kidding. Like I said -- scary.
At least it didn't take 40 days for the water to (mostly) recede from our block. But the rest of the town was still pretty flooded, so Darling Son's Kindermusik class was cancelled, and I took the opportunity to start week two of my C25K training. (Man that last interval is a killer!!) The air temp had dropped about 10 degrees, so it was actually a nice day for a run, mind the puddles. I ran/walk for 2 miles, then walked another 3 to finish out the circuit. Yay!
So that little jaunt left me with a decent sized calorie deficit for the day, so I used some of the excess to indulge in a bowl of salted caramel gelato, which was FABULOUS, but the serving size was HUGE! I never thought I'd say there was actually too much ice cream in the bowl, but I could have made do with half of that and been satisfied. Seriously!
It's funny -- I guess your stomach shrinks, or maybe your brain chemistry changes, but I have noticed that I am getting a lot of satisfaction with a much smaller amount of food. Which is really exciting for me, because it means I've made some progress in the "mental health" department.
So here's my big reveal: my psychological issue with food is that I tend to stuff myself, usually for emotional reasons. Is that compulsive overeating or binge eating? I don't know what to call it, but I've had the compulsion most of my life. When I was younger, I'd sometimes "purge" after a splurge, but usually I'd just work out like mad the next day to "make up" for the calories. Dancers will do some crazy stuff to their bodies. We're a seriously crazy breed.
Back in 2006, with all the stress from my husband's illnesses, I started binging like mad. And of course, I gained a ton of weight, which Spark helped me lose -- and helped me manage what I called "The Ravenous" -- that desire to stuff oneself so full of food that one couldn't get off the couch without help. It worked until I got pregnant in 2011, and The Ravenous came back in full force, but I chalked it up to hormones.
After my fabulous little guy was born, The Ravenous hung around. I guess I was okay with it hanging around because it wasn't until the baby weaned (at around 12 months) that I realized something was seriously wrong with the way I was thinking about food.
Thank heavens I'm a dancer, because I really only had 12 weeks of leave to lay around and bloat, and most of that time was spent trying to sleep. When I came back to the studio to teach, I simply HAD to get through those 3 hours without having a heart attack, so basically I had no choice but to "exercise" -- in the form of rehearsing and demonstrating. And then there was the summer intensive, which was four more hours of classes with the ballet dancers, and I was starting to get performance jobs again -- and basically that added up to a lot of exercise. Not enough to lose the fat I'd gained, but enough to allow me to eat like a hippopotamus and still maintain my body weight.
By this time I'd figured out that The Ravenous wasn't hunger, but rather a mental problem, and something I was going to have to address sooner rather than later.
So yeah ... And that's where I'm at these days, and I think my relationship with food is getting a lot better. My thought processes are clearer, anyway. So it's exciting to realize that my brain actually acknowledges the "full" or satiated feeling without my stomach at max capacity. What this means to me is that while my body is getting healthy, my brain is too :)