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    TURTLESLOW14   36,149
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints
Seriously in NEED of a Spark Buddy/Friend

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

I have been putting this off for some time now, not really wanting to admit that I need more than the small groups I am with. They are great and full of challenges but I really think I need a few pals/buddies one on one support and motivation, I CANT do this alone. I need someone that can push but not push to hard, have an understanding personality and is willing to put up with me. I get cranky, depressed, sometimes right down to negativity but I will never give up completely. I keep on trying and trying but this last year has been the worst.

I first made excuses that I was working on my mental well being since I suffer from depression and severe social anxiety and had daily panic attacks along with anger outbursts. I have been in therapy now for 9 months and I am moving right along really well and am learning how to cope with many things however in those same 9 months I have gained 50 lbs and the scale is still climbing. I am in a downward spiral that I cant seem to stop. I have every intention of exercising but I just am having a difficult time finding the motivation that I once had. About May through July of 2011 I completed P90X and was very proud of myself for this accomplishment because I did this also while suffering from Fibromyalgia (I did a lot of modifications and stretched the 90 days out a bit). I was muscle lean and weighed 155 lbs in a size 8 now well lets just say I have to wear my DH's clothes most of the time and I never dress up and weight 215.8 at 5ft tall. I also now suffer from pitting edema that doesnt want to go away no matter what I do, I can control it for a little while but then my skin gets tight and I put on a few more pounds. I know I am also on a list of medications and vitamins/minerals by the DR all to help me feel better and emotionally I do its just physically I cant deal anymore. I dont take pain meds anymore for my fibro instead is controlled by the vitamins/minerals but I am still on mood stabilizers, anti depressants and anti anxiety meds, and sleep medications.
I know I am a challenge and would be grateful to anyone who would like to help me through this I WANT to feel good not only mentally but physically too. My depression is out of wack right now because how can anyone feel good when you cant stand to look at yourself anymore.
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARBIE176 7/7/2013 12:28AM

    Have you found the Spark Buddy you were looking for? I can tell you I have been super impressed with your never giving up attitude. If you want me to be your spark buddy I am willing to spark mail you daily. Just spark mail me indicating you want that kind of commitment. I find that supporting and motivating someone else works to motivate me too and I can always use that. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALEXSGIRL1 6/26/2013 8:50PM

    emoticon I have been here watching and rooting for you the whole time .I am here if you need me

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KSNANA2 6/25/2013 12:04PM

    Hi Lisa! It is good that you never give up! We all have setbacks, some small and some large, but that is why we understand and try to help each other. I have a DD with fibro so I understand how horrible that makes you feel. The spirit is willing but the body is in so much pain. I hope they will find a cure for it soon. In the meantime I would like to add my name to your friends list. And I hope you have some good days ahead to get back on track. Take care.

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NIKKID3 6/25/2013 8:46AM

  emoticon Were are all here whenever you feel like a rant, just go for it.

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USMAWIFE 6/25/2013 8:38AM

    emoticon emoticon Hope you find a friend who will be there for you

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PEPPYPATTI 6/25/2013 8:34AM

    If you need a friend I am here for you! emoticon

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CANDOK1260 6/25/2013 5:48AM

    I DEFIDENTLY CAN RELATE TO YOU IF YOU DONT MINE HAVING A FRIEND WHO ALSO DEPRESS ALOT I THINK WE CAn help each other.i am farter on the weight being at 140 but i am still have the depression and movement issue,

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    I understand how you feel. I have been through a lot too. Different things but I understand dealing with a significant weight gain, the depression, and anger outbursts. Sometimes, my motivation goes back and forth. I gained a lot of weight with all the medical issues going on and I was already overweight to begin with. I am only 5'4 and was where you are at but now am much bigger and I need to keep myself motivated to get the weight off. It's not healthy for my frame at all but it's a definite struggle. I am trying to keep pushing along though.

I wouldn't mind being your spark buddy. Sometimes, the team challenges are too much for me to handle.Sometimes, I get a little moody and want to give up but I never end up giving up. Encouraging others keeps me going. :)

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