Monday, June 24, 2013
As some of you reading my blog might have surmised, I've been under a lot of stress. Being unemployed is difficult, add to that relationship problems (not mentioned much here, just that there are some because frankly, it's hard to talk about in such an open forum) and I'm living with my parents. That isn't so bad, but really I'd prefer to be living alone. Taking steps to make this change is hard, because I am scared of whatever steps I can take. But I think that if I take time and listen, the answers will come, and my stress will be reduced. It's the forcing myself to take the steps to slow down, take time and allow myself to listen that's the hard part.
I think part if it is that I don't want to hear some things, and it's easier to ignore if I don't listen. But what I lose with that mentality is that I might hear exactly what I want and need to hear. That's crazy, but true. I need to just sit still and allow myself to listen.
I've been trying to start a centering prayer practice- which is a time of sitting in silence (both physical and mental silence) and allowing God to be with you in the moment. I need to work on that. I need to make that happen. I think this would be exactly what I need to start this whole listening thing. I remember every day what the Psalms say, "Every morning I lay my troubles before you, O God, and wait expectantly." This I do. This I do well. I'm pretty good at waiting, but the listening is a big problem area.
Anyway, that's my stress-reduction idea. The walking has been helping, and I've been able to keep my environment fairly organized thanks to the homeopathic remedy that keeps headaches and depression at bay, and I'm finding joy and relief in the little growing things with which I've surrounded myself. I know that removing and/or dealing with this stress is going to impact my weight pretty quickly, and I can't wait until it breaks and I can loose that baggage.