The Harder the Struggle, the More Glorious the Triumph
Monday, June 24, 2013
I just got back from a rather enjoyable walk in the blazing heat (now covered in sweat and a little more tan) and feel rather triumphant. I've had a hard struggle the past week. I happen to be/have bipolar I disorder and I sunk into the lowest of lows this past week, to the point where I was actually considering the large bottle of Klonopin (an anxiety med) on my desk and if I just might be capable of taking 30 or so of them. But, keeping my son in mind, I stuck with my regular med schedule and eventually managed to pull myself back out of whatever gray depths I'd sunk to. Yesterday I did a lot of laundry and a lot of reading, and a little bit of journaling, which got me to where I am today: stable mood and really quite productive.
My son didn't want me to go for a walk this morning, so I knew I had to do something to pass the time to keep myself from boredom-eating as well as to keep myself from going and buying cigarettes. I stuck with my electronic Blu cigarette, brewed up some coffee, and started work on cleaning and completely reorganizing my desk. I lit a cinnamon-bun-scented candle and became truly absorbed in the act. I found it was actually quite relaxing and fun going through my desk, getting rid of things I didn't need and re-arranging everything, drinking coffee and listening to Jon Fratelli. Food never once crossed my mind and I was pleased with the Blus and didn't feel the need to go and buy any real cigarettes. After I finished with the desk, my grandmother offered to take Fritz for a ride to town so I could take a walk.
The walk was very refreshing despite the heat. I made good time and got in a solid 3 miles within an hour. I was actually rather grateful for the heat, as it was a welcome change from the constant rain we've been getting and I'm more tan already this year than I've ever been. And it's still early afternoon so I might be able to get in another walk, as well as some kickboxing and perhaps some yoga, but for sure I want to do some more cleaning/reorganizing.
But, unfortunately I skipped breakfast and lunch because I was so occupied. I'm making a point of taking a few minutes to have some afternoon yogurt, but I know it isn't good for me to skip meals.
My son has recently discovered he can watch Donald Duck cartoons on YouTube on my computer, so that makes it a little harder for me to get online, as he is using my computer most of the time now. I ordered him a couple of movies and they should be coming in the mail soon so perhaps he'll give me a few days of my computer back once he's occupied with Cars and Minnie Mouse and the Wizard of Dizz.
But, now it's time to get out there and take my second walk of the day while the motivation is still burning.