Monday, June 24, 2013
Well...Im back. Back to square one, back to the beginning, back to starting this journey all over again.
Last January I started my journey on here with a lot of energy and motivation. I did great...from January till April I lost 45lb and had managed to quit smoking.
Unfortunately, my interest in anything in my life never seems to last more than 3 months. I really don't have an excuse this time...there was no major stressful event to cause me to start eating junk again and to make me go back to smoking. It just...happened. There were a couple of birthdays and events in April where I thought I would just enjoy by eating whatever was served. I told myself it was a special occasion and it wouldn't be an everyday thing. But we all know that that's a load of crap. Once I got started I continued eating on more and more days until it was once again an everyday thing. I then stopped drinking water and exercising because I was eating crap anyways. As a result I became very stressed over the fact that I had just given up so easily and instead of doing something about it I just went out and bought some smokes. Now that I was back to being completely unhealthy on a daily basis I basically figured I might as well give up on everything. So I stopped wearing my fitbit and I stopped taking my thyroid and depression pills, and I stopped going to bed at night, and on some days I even stopped showering. I had once again hit rock bottom. Apparently thats the only way that I can come to my senses.
So here I am...3 months later, having gained back almost all the weight I lost, and having wasted all that time and energy working on a goal only to sabotage myself once again.
To be completely honest, I am not as motivated this time around. I mean, I've spent the last 11 years of my life trying to do this...what would make this time different? I don't know if I will do any better this time around but I am still here, and am still fighting.