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    AIRLINN   21,736
SparkPoints
20,000-24,999 SparkPoints
 
 
Here we go again...

Sunday, June 23, 2013

So... after a long hiatus, I decided that it's a good time for me to come back to this site.

Why did I leave in the first place, since I've been doing so good? Needless to say, I fell off the wagon. It all started with some baking experiments with my mother.

Before I go on, I'll mention why I came to SparkPeople in the first place. Before I started this weight loss journey, my drug of choice was junk food. That meant burgers, fries, steaks, fried chicken... you name it. I liked the taste of it all, and I liked eating it. But after a while, I grew tired of eating this stuff. So... while it was a bit hard in the beginning, I was still able to make the switch from junk food to healthier food fairly quickly. In my initial weight loss phase, I was able to go from 240 to 135... and I felt good.

Now, back to the baking experiments... it was at that point that everything started to unravel, basically. While I did not have a problem with sweets before, and was able to be around them without much trouble, it was at that point that my sweet tooth developed, and to a very serious degree. It was innocent at first... a single croissant here, a cinnamon roll there... before I knew it, I developed a strong craving for all things sweet. And my family in general likes to keep a lot of sweet things around the house. Even when I attempted to communicate with my parents (with whom I live) that this is becoming a problem for me, things remained the same despite the apparent acknowledgement of the issue. In fact, the presence of the sweets in the house appeared to have increased. Or it has appeared so to me...

Things started to go downhill from that point pretty quickly. As much as I attempted to resist the temptation of sweets, I just kept on going back... while also developing a craving for carbs along the way. This led to a VERY unhealthy cycle of stuffing myself to the point of discomfort, followed by a VERY long time spent on an eliptical to try to burn off the excess. However, no matter how hard I tried to keep my calorie gain under control, the weight just kept creeping up... and it got me to where I am today, now weighing 160 pounds. During that time I also decided to disappear from SP... it just became too shameful to come back, seeing what has become of me.

The reason I came back... well, two reasons actually... are both external in nature. The first one is because of a challenge proposed by my addictions class professor in grad school, who wanted us to try to give up something for one week while documenting how we felt along the way. So... I decided to try to give up sugar. And let me tell you, it's hard. It's SO, SO hard to not feel like grabbing something loaded with sugar and devouring it. However, it's my 5th day so far without touching sugar, and while I experienced some very uncomfortable side effects of this withdrawal (jitteriness, irritability, headaches... certainly signs of an addiction), I find myself starting to feel better and in control, bit by bit.

My second reason... it acts as a booster to the first one. I am going to Cancun for vacation, so... I want to look good. I am planning to have this second reason to replace my first one, since that one will end in two days... and seeing that I'm handling myself pretty good in terms of my sugar cravings so far, maybe that second motivator will keep me afloat and stave my cravings off long enough that they will eventually dissipate. It's still a battle, since my willpower is still fairly weak, but I'm trying my hardest to not give in.

And I hope it stays that way...
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITNESSGONNABE 6/24/2013 10:02AM

    Sometimes I think it is harder to come back than it is to join in the first place. I've recently come back myself, and I know it was harder for me the second time around. Anyway, I think you are doing a great job of knowing yourself and working toward bettering yourself. I'm proud of you! I went to Cancun last December and it was fabulous. Enjoy your vacation!

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BF20PERCENT 6/24/2013 4:18AM

    I know it's hard but you did it before and I'm sure you'll do it again.
Just think about how good you'll look in Cancun emoticon

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