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    NIKKICOLE83   18,080
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I Wanted to Quit a Thousand Times but Refused

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Sunday, June 23, 2013

I ran my first 10k today. With bronchitis. Alone. It was a virtual 10k and along the route there were multiple opportunities to quit. To fudge the numbers. To cheat the system. To cheat myself. No one would know. I would know. I would know that this run was just a small portion of my day - the equivalent of a Lifetime movie - and I chose to bail out rather than buckle down and accept the joy and fulfillment of finishing even if I didn't finish with the time I had originally envisioned.

I thought all these things as I ran 25 laps around the football track. And at about lap 18, I had my "Aha" moment. This virtual run was a metaphor for my entire journey. While it may have been easier to complete the run in a typical group race setting, we are all ultimately alone in our fitness journey. Only you can make your body move. You are the one who has to do the work. Relying on workout buddies, like a pacer in race, will lead you to chasing after someone else for motivation. What happens when they drop out of the race? This morning I had to decide to follow the plan that I chose for myself. I would run 3/4 lap and walk the last turn. It was really working for the first 8 laps. But then Lap 9 came. I noticed that I was losing momentum much faster than I anticipated. I was initially disappointed that I had to take a walk break in the midst of my run section. I tried to get back on the original schedule but found my body tightening up. At Lap 11 I adjusted. I decided to run the straightaways and power walk the curves. The only condition was that on the straights I would push harder and go as hard as I could without sprinting. With that model, I was able to fly through Laps 13-24. My last lap I decided to slow my pace a bit and jog through the entire last lap. By the Final Lap I was exhausted from the whole thing. At that moment I was forced to be consistent. No sprinting. No breaks. Just steady. Steady was hard because it is only a few weak steps above stopping. But something happened. I became my own cheerleader. I literally ripped my headphones out of my ear; no more distractions. I wanted to clearly hear myself scream for the victory. There I was alone on the field, coming around my final curve and into my stretch and I was chanting and then yelling, "I've got this! I didn't quit! I wanted to quit, I wanted to! I didn't do it! I never quit! This time is different! I won't go back! I AM DIFFERENT!" It took everything in me not to break out in tears as I crossed the finish line.

When I began running my weightloss race on May 21st of last year, I had my success planned out. I would lose 2 lbs a week every week and I would be 90 lbs down by April 19th of 2013. From 272.1 to 182. I was on pace to reach my goal for the first 15 weeks of my journey. Like clockwork the 2 lbs came off. But I got tired, I couldn't sustain it. I would get a burst of energy and suddenly drop 4 lbs in a week. I would follow it up with a week or two of nothing. In December I finally adjusted to incorporate life and fitness together because prior to that my whole life was diet and exercise and that was unsustainable. Of course this slowed my pace. Since January of this year, I have lost 8 lbs, about 1.5 lbs a month. At this pace, I will meet my goal next January or February. That is fine. That is great. That would mean that I dedicated 20 months of my life to reaching my goal. While it is 8 months past schedule, 20 months is such a short snippet of my life. This 20 months is worth it if it means I get to live the next 50 years of my life happy with myself.

Today I finished my 10k at 1hr, 11min and 38 sec. Ironically, I figured it may take an hour and 22 min. Perseverance paid off.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUPERSYLPH 8/14/2013 5:50PM

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EFFRAYECHILDE 7/23/2013 8:27AM

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MONTREAL12 7/16/2013 6:47PM

  Perserverance, commitment and success! emoticon Thanks for the inspiration emoticon

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SUSANPEI 7/14/2013 7:27PM

    Completing a 10k is one of my biggest goals. You are an inspiration!!

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ALIDOSHA 7/6/2013 4:31PM

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YANDI4LIFE 7/5/2013 2:36PM

    emoticon Good job on not giving up!!!

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CORNERKICK 7/5/2013 3:46AM

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TIGER_LILY_613 7/2/2013 7:37PM

    You go girl !!!!
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STAY39 6/29/2013 3:16PM

    Everything about this is awesome! Now I want to do it! Thank you! emoticon emoticon

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KA_JUN 6/28/2013 12:52PM

    Huzzah! Well done, you pushed through and completed your goal, it means that more that you did it for you with no one watching. Thank you for sharing your victory! emoticon emoticon

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KABMPH 6/28/2013 11:53AM

    Congratulations!! You are a strong, committed woman. You should be so proud of yourself! When you get down, think about this accomplishment!

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ROXYCARIN 6/27/2013 3:32AM

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GEORGE815 6/26/2013 6:59PM

    Great race.

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KTTAYLOR21 6/26/2013 12:53PM

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CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You pushed through and didn't allow your ego to take you out the race!!! emoticon emoticon !!!

Also emoticon for the featured blog post!! emoticon

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WATCHINW8 6/25/2013 10:32PM

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1BEING1 6/25/2013 8:21PM

    YOU ROCK! AWESOME JOB! Thanks for sharing!
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SHARONCAPPS 6/25/2013 7:50PM

  Excellent job. Thank you for sharing.

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RUNNINGYOGINIRE 6/25/2013 2:26PM

  Congrats on your first 10K!

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SLIMLEAF 6/25/2013 12:52PM

    What a GREAT effort - well done!

And thank you for sharing your victory with us.

You are a STAR!

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JUSMYBIZNIS 6/25/2013 10:51AM

    You are a great motivation! Great job! emoticon

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GOSPARK45 6/25/2013 10:37AM

    You did it! Congratulations. What you learned about yourself is priceless.

Spark on. You're doing so good.


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SHANNONY84 6/25/2013 8:33AM

    Great work!

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LEANMEAN2 6/25/2013 7:40AM

    Congratulations! Thank you for sharing.

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MY_TIME_2_SHINE 6/25/2013 7:37AM

    Look at this!!!! You are in my gmail lol! Woman you are AWESOME & you know it!!! The motivation and inspiration you have shown us all is right on time. Way to be that cheerleader and push yourself when you felt you could do no more. Congrats on the 10k and the accomplishment! Keep pushing my friend. emoticon

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SANDYCRANE 6/25/2013 7:01AM

    You are so right, we do have to be our own cheerleader. So glad that you completed your 10K, that is a great accomplishment.

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ILOVEROSES 6/25/2013 6:42AM

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JAMER123 6/25/2013 12:17AM

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I am not a runner but I know you did a wonderful job on the runs!!

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KHALIA2 6/24/2013 11:42PM

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BLUEJEAN99 6/24/2013 11:35PM

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MISSBOOBOOKITTY 6/24/2013 10:33PM

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PROSPERME 6/24/2013 10:31PM

  Way to go girlfriend !!! emoticon emoticon

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ROCKYCPA 6/24/2013 10:28PM

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SARRARAZ 6/24/2013 10:24PM

  great

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GETINSHAPE110 6/24/2013 10:05PM

    emoticon , emoticon !

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SMARGED 6/24/2013 9:57PM

    emoticon Good for you!

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ONLYTEMPORARY 6/24/2013 9:50PM

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JERICHO1991 6/24/2013 9:36PM

    Perseverance definitely paid off. Great job!

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NORASPAT 6/24/2013 9:26PM

    Never give up, we are worth it. Pat in Maine. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ILIKETOZUMBA 6/24/2013 9:07PM

    You. Are. AWESOME!! Congratulations! I loved reading about how you motivated yourself and cheered yourself on. HECK YEAH, good for you!! Had I been at that track, it would have made my day to see someone like you fighting for and then reaching a major goal and cheering for herself - and then I would have cheered you on too! Your attitude and your insight are fabulous. Thank you for sharing!

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4KWALK 6/24/2013 7:50PM

    What an amazing, inspirational blog this was. How I identified with your race. So happy to read that you finished. That gives me hope that I too can continue running my race.
Thank you. emoticon

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SHERYLP461 6/24/2013 7:20PM

    Fantastic ! What a trip you have had so far.

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CHANGINGHORSES 6/24/2013 7:17PM

    Awesome! You definitely worked for that one!
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ALOVELYLEO 6/24/2013 6:37PM

    Slow and steady ALWAYS wins the race. Great job!

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HOOSIERNATIVE46 6/24/2013 6:19PM

    Congratulations and thanks for sharing. I started like you with 2 lb per week goal, and I am not making it and am having a hard time, so it is good to see how you overcame through goal modification. Great Work!

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MJREIMERS 6/24/2013 6:19PM

    I knew you could do it! You are such a strong woman and you can succeed in anything you put your mind to. This is a perfect case of mind over matter or body! emoticon

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SHELLB7 6/24/2013 5:14PM

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PESKIGIRL 6/24/2013 4:47PM

  Congratulations and thank you so much for sharing!!!
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HAPPYMAMA20121 6/24/2013 4:34PM

    way to go girl emoticon

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