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Saturday, June 22 Ending the week with limitations and the blues...

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Hi all,

This might now be the most motivating or glorious blog that you have ever written. It is, however, a blog that shows why a Spark Community is so important.

This day started out dark and menacing. I took Marissa for some routine lab work for her college physical and then to work at the water park where she works on the weekends. She kind of guessed that the park was going to close today sue to inclement weather.

I came home and pulled a chair up to one of my flower beds and tried to do some weeding and work. It wasn't easy, I am not bending quite so well yet. However, the cloud cover left and the temps reached over 90 degrees. We gave this up after a couple of hours and went to run some errands. We bought flowers for the altar tomorrow in honor of Marshall's birthday on Monday and we did some grocery shopping and meal planning. We got home in time to go pick Marissa up from work when I realized I forgot a few items and she wanted to go get a replacement phone. I had them drop Marshall and I at the store while they were gone for a v-e-r-y long time. When they got bck, Marissa had a gift for me--she replaced/ upgraded my very nice conventional phone with a new iPhone. Oh boy--I haven't even used an iPad for any real purposes not an iPod except to give to someone as a much wanted gift. It was so sweet of her.

I fiddled with this phone for an hour, but had a growing need to go work on my gardens--the veggies nad fruits are really taking off and I don't want weeds or bugs to take over. A snake that was about 2.5 feet long--black and orange stripes--ran over my foot and startled me dearly. I also ran int o a couple of spider mamas with b-i-g egg sacks under their torsos. I pulled weeds and moved things and replanted and worked until I couldn't stand or straighten in any way. I know I am not supposed to be pushing things, but I cannot exercise much these days since I cannot get into the pool yet. I am so sad about this that I cannot explain it. I am guessing it is the post-op blues right now.

I finally broke down and explained to my husband--who is dealing with pending retirement that he isn't exactly looking forward to, how I didn't want to be disabled. I am 9 years younger than he is and he is always needing to finish up my tasks and do things for me that this independent mother always used to do for herself. I am hating this and it is getting to me. I want to do what I want to do and I cannot do that, no matter what hoops I jump through nor how much I try.

It was good to say it out loud, but I didn't end up with any relief from this emotional baggage or an answer to what I need and want. All I can do is keep trying--and taking the opportunities that come my way, day by day. I cannot let it get me down--and I am not sure why after all of these years why today. The beginning of my true arthritis diagnosis came on my 6 week post-partum visit to the doctor when Marissa was a new born, 17 years ago. My first surgery happened when Micah had turned 2.5 after a family vacation to the Wisconsin Dells one hot and fun-filled summer.

I need to keep my chin up and my attitude in check. I may need your help. Any thoughts or ideas about why I am here in this place and why it is so worrisome right now?

Thanks so much--
Gentle hugs,

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You have been through a lot, Sylvia. Be patient and allow your body to heal. Good times are on the horizon.
    1699 days ago
  • PUGRAD1995
    Well Sylvia, I know the feeling. I'll send an email when I have some time to work through my similar thoughts! emoticon
    1701 days ago
    1701 days ago
  • _LINDA
    So many birthdays, so many life changes pending. You have been a mother for so long and now, one by one, your children are getting older and preparing to leave the nest. Can this make you feel any older, that perhaps your life's most precious work, raising your children is past and will become a beloved memory and they will have to make their own way in life? For sure you are experiencing the blues after surgery, wondering if it really worked, missing your favorite form of exercise (being restricted in movement does nothing positive for the mind) Feeling needed and useful is very important to a person. Especially one who has done so much for others and is used to being the caregiver. No one likes to need people to do things for them. Its seems to me in spite of your ongoing limitations and constant fight with debilitating pain that you have done an amazing amount of things, maintaining your home and work and looking after all your children's needs. So you are used to doing for yourself and your family. Time to cut yourself a little slack and just wait out this recovery carefully so as to not suffer any setbacks from overdoing. Allow others to take care of you. I am sure when you are safely recovered you will get back into all that makes you happy.
    Be a patient patient..
    {{{gentle hugs}}}
    1701 days ago
    Hi Sylvia,

    I am in the same boat as MTAL203. I don't have any words of wisdom, only words of encouragement. Some days are more difficult than others. There are days when my emotions get in the way of having a good day as well. All I can say is this too shall pass. Hang in there. One day at a time.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1702 days ago
  • MTAL203
    I don't have any words of wisdom, but I wanted you to know that I read your blog, and will be thinking about you. All we can ever do is our best and it sounds to me like you truly are giving your best effort, so be kind to yourself and try to take it one day at a time. I will be looking forward to future blogs and hoping each one show you feeling better. I'll bet your garden looked beautiful after all the work you did on it! Take care. emoticon
    1702 days ago
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