Saturday, June 22, 2013
Saturday, June 22
I sort of hit a detour this week. I met up with my two best friends from High School, David and Brad. I never was one to hang with the girls. It was so great to see them. Although I had seen Brad last year, and have even lived with David about 10 years ago, the three of us had not been here on the Island since 1995 when I left the Island to travel and perform. We had a great time. I ended up drinking too much and crying a lot. Itís not that I am really sad but I am past the busy chaotic time and now have time to think and process my situation. I really did not expect to have a failed marriage (I admit it is better than a horrible marriage), only be able to see my daughter for half of the year, and be living with my parents at this age. Pretty depressing, but I do realize this is a transitionary phase in my life. It is temporary. I did manage to hang on to the house and keep it together until I was able to go back to school. Now I have graduated, not only with student loans but massive credit card debt as well. One more year to work and pay off bills will put a big chunk in that debt. I still need to hang onto my house for two more years until the lease is up with the renters but after that, I canít wait to unload it. I do have a safe, well thought out plan to ensure a good future and at the same time Lavinia gets another school year close to her grandparents. The next year when she is with her father, I am free to go wherever there is a classroom. It is a good plan. Of course, if by some miracle, I am able to get a job around here, that would be even better. I know things are looking up and are getting better. It is that point that you can see the finish line, but it still seems so far away that I start to self-sabotage. My mind knows it is crazy but at the time I just canít see it. It also does not help that this year is my 20th high school reunion. I really donít have much to show for myself at this point in my life. That can make anyone a bit nuts, I suppose. Anyway, we got together and ate and drank and I really never got back on track all week. I stopped counting my calories, I stopped my workouts except for Zumba. I did not drink my water. I did not even take my pills. It was not a really good week for taking care of me. On the other hand, I helped Dad repair fences, helped Mom in the garden, and started a mini garden of my own
and an herb garden.
I even planted some Salvia on the edge of Mom's flower garden. As soon as I posted to Facebook, my friends started to comment about the salvia people are smoking and jumping out windows and stuff. It's crazy. I just thought it was pretty. They seem to be doing well though. Weíll see how it goes, I never had a green thumb before and was actually going a bit crazy when I was living with Danny and he suggested adding some plants. I really donít know why I did not want any kind of plants in the house. I think I was scared I would ruin them. Anyway, I did get over that as I wanted to have a vegetable garden out back. The deck was fixed so that it would not cause a shadow over the whole yard, but I moved out before I had the chance to try it. Now is a great time to start because Mom and Dad know about gardening so I can get their advice whenever I want.
You know youíre 80ís old school when you had little bootie socks with the colored balls on the back. - Completely.