Saturday, June 22, 2013
I've been doing a lot of navel gazing lately. I'm a newish mom with a wonderful husband and a good job, but sometimes I just feel like a sack of potatoes. I've been trying to figure out why, and what I can do to change that.
I regained about forty pounds that I had been so amazingly happy to lose, so that's discouraging, but here I am working to fix that. It was a long slow process last time, and it will be this time, and I just need to do it.
I tend to put myself down kind of a lot. If my husband wonders aloud why I didn't do something in a way that would've made more sense if I had thought of it, I just realized how often I explain I did it the way I did because I suck at life. I need to stop that right now.
I tend to feel responsible for uncontrollable things. If my little son cries in public, I often feel like that's a personal failure. Which is ridiculous. I just need to do my best as much as I can and let go. I found an excellent quotation about that. "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could." I just need to do what I can and stop freaking out about all the uncontrollable stuff. It's scary to stop and realize just how little is really in my control. I can control what I do and how I act, and that's about it. Even those things might not always be entirely in my control, but mostly they are.
My happiness is my responsibility. Nobody else can make me happy. They can help, but they can't do it for me.
I guess this is a pep-talk blog. I better go do what I can.